When I married, I had no compelling reason to change my last name. It felt like an unnecessary step when we were already merging our independent lives. Contrary to what some might think, my decision wasn’t a feminist statement. I wasn’t trying to defy patriarchal customs (though I fully support dismantling those structures). It just seemed simpler to keep my name as is.
My husband was indifferent to the issue. We even pondered the idea of him adopting my last name or us creating an entirely new family name together. Our parents were less than thrilled about that concept, but I still think it would have been pretty cool to be the Hartmans or the Johnsons. Imagine the holiday cards!
From a traditional standpoint, my decision to keep my last name hasn’t affected my sense of marital connection. I felt a subtle yet significant shift in our relationship after our wedding, which had nothing to do with the newfound permission to share a bed at my parents’ house. Sure, we still annoy each other—the same as any married couple does—but that’s just part of the journey.
My identity has always been intertwined with my name, so why should I let go of it? I’ve achieved milestones with my name: I graduated from high school, earned my degree, and even survived a few questionable life choices. I’ve navigated my career in physical therapy and built a life far from my childhood home. My name has a history, including unforgettable adventures—like our trip to Mexico, which is a story for another day.
A friend once asked, “Doesn’t it bother you that your kids don’t share your last name?” My response? Not at all. They are my children; they came from me and relied on me for nourishment for over a year. They repeat my name countless times each day, and the bond we share is undeniable. I can’t get a moment of peace without them demanding my attention, so the idea that a last name defines our closeness is absurd.
And what about the concern that people might think I’m kidnapping my own children when we travel? While that thought occasionally crosses my mind, I’ve never encountered any confusion during flights, school enrollments, or doctor appointments. It simply hasn’t been an issue in nearly two decades of marriage.
It’s shocking that many Americans believe women should legally be obligated to take their husband’s last name. Ultimately, who cares what others do? If it feels right for you to adopt his name, go for it. If you prefer to remain single, that’s your choice too. The happiest people live on their own terms, whether it’s maintaining a long-distance relationship or navigating a unique family dynamic.
If you’re preparing for marriage and are undecided about your last name, remember it’s one of the least pressing concerns. Don’t succumb to societal pressures, and know that you can always change your mind later. Focus your energy on more pressing matters like whether your partner knows how to put their clothes away or remember to lower the toilet seat.
But if your soon-to-be spouse has the last name Bond, by all means, make that change!
For additional insights on family planning and the journey to parenthood, check out this post on Intracervical Insemination. Furthermore, if you’re looking for expert advice on fertility, visit Make a Mom, a recognized authority on this subject. Another great resource for pregnancy and home insemination is Cleveland Clinic’s podcast on IVF and fertility preservation.
Summary
Choosing to keep or change your last name after marriage is a deeply personal decision that should be made without societal pressure. Whether you decide to retain your maiden name or adopt your partner’s, what truly matters is the bond you share. Your name is part of your identity, and only you can decide what feels right for your family.