For the initial eight years of motherhood, I dedicated myself fully as a stay-at-home mom. While I did some part-time work as a lactation consultant, it was primarily on weekends, and though I cherished that role, it hardly offered a respite from the demands of parenting—think adorable yet noisy infants and emotional new moms.
In recent years, I transitioned to a freelance writing career from home. With my youngest now in school, I find myself spending more time in my “office” (which is really just my bedroom) writing away. Despite my efforts to earn a living as a writer—researching topics, communicating with editors, and producing quality content—this work doesn’t provide a break from the parenting responsibilities. However, it does grant me around 20 hours a week in a peaceful environment (I can’t work with any distractions), away from my kids, and that time is absolutely blissful.
Sometimes, we don’t realize how challenging things were until they improve. Reflecting on those earlier years of parenting, I recognize how drained I often felt. Being a stay-at-home mom was a choice I embraced, but the intensity of it—being available to my children every moment—was immense. While I wouldn’t trade those days of having my little ones close, they were also filled with anxiety and exhaustion. I often ended my days feeling utterly depleted, with a sense that I had lost my own identity amidst the chaos of parenting.
A few years ago, I discovered the work of Dr. Elaine Aron, who introduced the concept of highly sensitive people (HSPs). Reading her insights was like a revelation for me; I realized that my experiences aligned perfectly with her descriptions. HSPs are easily overwhelmed by sensory input—bright lights, loud noises, and hectic environments—and they often require solitude to recharge, especially after social interactions. It’s almost as if the chaotic nature of parenthood was designed to push someone like me to the edge.
Early in my journey as a parent, I understood that I wasn’t the type to organize countless playdates or social gatherings. I prioritized quiet time during my children’s naptime and bedtime, using those moments to recharge rather than tackle chores. I rarely ventured out after they fell asleep because all I craved was the soothing silence of my home.
While I managed to find some balance as a sensitive parent, I now see that I need more than just fleeting moments of solitude. I require several hours of uninterrupted, absolute quiet every day to maintain my sanity. This time is essential for processing, reflecting, and decompressing—more than a mom on constant duty can typically afford.
Although I often miss the early days of motherhood, particularly those baby snuggles, I recognize that the balance I’ve achieved now is far better for my mental health. Some mothers thrive in a 24/7 parenting environment, and I admire them, but I realize I am not cut out for that lifestyle indefinitely.
Embracing my sensitivity rather than suppressing it has been liberating. My heightened awareness of my surroundings is a gift, one that has likely contributed to my writing career. It also allows me to be deeply attuned to my children’s needs, regardless of how much time we spend together.
Even with my current balance, there are moments when I need to retreat from the chaos of family life. My kids understand this; I often tell them, “I just need some silence,” as I step away to meditate or rest. They’re beginning to grasp that taking care of oneself is not a weakness, but a strength.
Every mother faces unique challenges, and it can be difficult to prioritize personal needs, especially in the trenches of early motherhood. However, feeling overwhelmed is detrimental to both parents and children. The reality is that caring for your mental health is one of the most crucial responsibilities you have as a mother. Identifying your needs and making an effort to meet them will ultimately benefit everyone involved in the long run.
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In summary, as a highly sensitive person, carving out daily time for solitude is crucial for my emotional and mental well-being. Acknowledging this need and embracing my sensitivity has led to a healthier balance in my life and a better connection with my children.