Last Thursday, I kicked off my morning by whipping up a breakfast of scrambled eggs, fruit, and toast for my two kids. With them being 4 and almost 2, it’s a quick meal that I know they’ll enjoy. I don’t often serve cereal, not because of the sugar, but because my youngest finds great delight in dumping a bowl of milk and Cheerios over her head. I’d much rather deal with a pan and cutting board than spend my time mopping up spilled cereal milk and giving my daughter a bath.
While my children savored their breakfast, I tidied up around the house. I gathered dirty towels and swapped them for fresh ones. Then, I eagerly awaited the knock on my door.
You see, I recently penned an article about hiring a housekeeper, and that Thursday marked her first day. Normally, Thursdays are my big cleaning days. With two adults, two kids, two cats, and a dog, there’s always much to do. But on this particular Thursday, a lovely woman came to my home and took care of the major tasks for me. I made sure things were in order, but the scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, and mopping were no longer on my to-do list. I passed the reins to her.
She’ll be coming every two weeks, and it’s already a significant relief. I now know that even if I have a hectic or challenging week, or if I fall ill and fall behind, I can start fresh every two weeks.
As our new housekeeper got to work, I took some time to color with my son while we waited for my daughter to wake up from her nap. The next morning, I felt rejuvenated instead of drained from my attempts at cleaning and parenting. I wasn’t frustrated that I hadn’t accomplished enough the day before. It was one of the most enjoyable Friday mornings in recent memory, all because it felt effortless.
We were gearing up for a family wedding weekend, and I wasn’t overwhelmed about returning to a messy house. Instead of spending the day before cleaning, I focused on packing. For once, my family was ready to leave on time for a road trip—something that has never happened before. I’m usually frazzled before heading out, but not this time.
Most changes take time to evaluate whether they were wise or foolish decisions. However, it was clear from the start that hiring a housekeeper was the right choice for my family.
When I shared my experience of hiring a housekeeper, the feedback was largely positive. Many readers chimed in, sharing their own satisfaction with having help at home. Some expressed that they would definitely consider it if they had the finances.
Yet, a few took issue with my choice, implying that I was privileged (which I am, and I acknowledge that) or even lazy. Others questioned why I would hire someone to do work I could manage myself—because, you know, “women’s work.” It seems these critics struggle to comprehend a woman who chooses to take action to improve her life when she has the means to do so.
It’s disheartening how many people assume that housework should fall solely on the parent who spends the most time at home. It should surprise me, but it doesn’t. The reality is, in many cases, the one staying home is the mother, and housework is often viewed as “women’s work,” even though both parents live in the house, creating the messes. Even when both parents work, it’s still typically the mother who ends up shouldering the majority of household responsibilities alongside her career. This isn’t universal, but it is common, and it’s frustrating that housework is sometimes perceived as a penance for not contributing financially.
Let’s be clear: If you’re at home caring for children, you are contributing financially. If you’re managing errands, scheduling appointments, budgeting, cooking, and more, you are contributing financially. Childcare can cost as much as, or even more than, a mortgage. The additional responsibilities often assigned to mothers are valuable and time-consuming, and your time is worth something. So, let’s stop with the notion that staying home means one must take on every possible duty outside of “bringing in the bacon” to have equal footing with their partner. I’m over that outdated thinking, and you should be too.
The idea that I am somehow burdening or disrespecting my husband is misplaced. He deserves more credit. My husband understands exactly what I do all day because he has spent ample time caring for our children. He knows that by staying home, I’m saving us money and that hiring a housekeeper is a small investment compared to the time I would spend on those tasks and the value of the other things I can accomplish. Plus, he appreciates a wife and partner who is less drained than usual.
Most importantly, he respects me as his equal and trusts that I can make my own choices regarding how I spend my time. I extend him that same respect.
So no, I won’t be focusing on fulfilling outdated expectations. You can kindly take your opinions elsewhere.
The notion that I’m taking the easy route? Here’s a glimpse of my “nothing”: I’m currently advocating for my autistic and gifted son’s needs within his school system, ensuring they don’t wait for him to fail before providing academic accommodations. Last night, I spent over four hours on the phone with educational professionals seeking advice and making appointments. This morning, I had several conversations with lawyers, advocates, and therapists. I’ve been busy scanning and sending reports to various individuals who can help us navigate this process. And yes, I took a moment to cuddle him because I needed that connection.
There’s a lengthy list of tasks I need to complete regarding my son’s education. While I’m not checking anything off that list right now, I’m addressing this critique. But you know what isn’t on my to-do list? Dusting the ceiling fans. Thank goodness for my housekeeper.
When I hired her, my children didn’t receive a golden ticket to avoid chores. They’re too young to manage many tasks independently, but they’re old enough to help pick up toys and assist with setting and clearing the table. They are learning that being part of a family means contributing and looking for ways to ease the load for those they care about. They see me cleaning regularly, not just after the housekeeper visits. I maintain cleanliness daily to prevent chaos from taking over.
Even if I had all day free to do absolutely nothing and my kids never lifted a finger, what does it matter to you? Why does it bother some individuals that I’m making choices that differ from theirs? Some believe the world would be better if all mothers stayed home, maintained spotless houses, and had dinner ready for their husbands. They expect women to live that life and be content, never voicing complaints—and of course, fulfilling outdated expectations.
Well, I think the world would be better if random individuals on the internet stopped suggesting I owe sexual favors to my husband to justify hiring someone to clean my floors. Just a thought.
This article was originally published on May 12, 2017.
Summary:
In this piece, the author reflects on the criticism faced after hiring a housekeeper, sharing her experience of how this decision has positively impacted her family life. She challenges outdated notions of gender roles in household responsibilities and emphasizes the value of the work done by stay-at-home parents. The article highlights the importance of mutual respect in partnerships and encourages individuals to embrace choices that make their lives easier without judgment from others.