“I’m sorry,” I find myself saying to my teenage sitter as I glance at the clock. It’s 2:45 PM, and I promised to pick him up at 3:00. He waves it off, “No worries,” he replies.
“Actually,” I explain, “I have ADHD. I have a choice: I can either be late and scramble, or I can overcompensate and arrive early. So, I tend to overcompensate. I was going to be 25 minutes early, but I ended up driving around instead.”
We share a laugh, but my kids in the back seat roll their eyes—they know I’m serious. We often arrive at our homeschool co-op a good half-hour ahead of schedule. I load the boys into the car, only to realize halfway down the road that I’ve miscalculated the time, leading to another lengthy detour. We sing along to classic tunes, making the most of it, even if it feels like an unnecessary delay.
Living as a mom with ADHD often feels like a constant battle against time—time wasted, tasks unfinished, and belongings misplaced. Even with medication, I sometimes struggle with the simple day-to-day tasks that others seem to manage effortlessly.
Take my laundry situation, for instance. My hampers sit empty, while my kitchen is crowded with baskets of clean clothes. I dread sorting and transporting them to the appropriate rooms. I’ve long abandoned folding and putting them in drawers, instead opting for personal baskets. One basket would take no more than 10 minutes to sort, yet I find myself overwhelmed with 12 loads piled up. It transforms into not just a chore, but an event I’d rather avoid. By the end of the day, exhaustion takes over, and the laundry remains a looming presence around my kitchen table.
My partner also has ADHD, and he approaches the dishes similarly, leading us to kindly ask visitors to steer clear of our kitchen. Our eldest son shares this trait, resulting in a chaotic mix of lost items—his backpack often forgotten at co-op or left behind at brunches. We frequently find ourselves making runs to retrieve his well-worn Star Wars bag. Thankfully, my attachment to my phone (another ADHD quirk) keeps it from becoming a lost item, but toys get left at playgrounds, socks go missing, and packed lunches sometimes end up as fast food alternatives. While it’s manageable when it’s just a piece of art, it becomes concerning when it involves something crucial like an EpiPen.
Routine plays a critical role in our lives. I need to take my medication first thing in the morning, or the day’s plans slip my mind. Our schooling follows a strict sequence: reading, math, social studies, writing, science, and perhaps a touch of catechism. Lunch always falls at noon. When we head to Target, we follow the same path, ensuring nothing on our shopping list gets overlooked. Altered layouts at other stores can lead to a forgotten essential.
Hyperfocus is another aspect of my experience. It’s what allows me to write while my children jump on the couch for a few minutes, only to snap back to reality when someone starts crying. My son is similarly engrossed during his shows—attempting to converse with him during Ninjago is futile; you must physically touch him to gain his attention.
Today, my son and I lost track of time while concentrating on reading, completely unaware of the havoc the younger kids were wreaking in the bathroom with a diaper sprayer. They insisted there were ants, but the truth was they just wanted to spray water everywhere. They know that when we enter our focused zones, they can get away with almost anything because we genuinely tune them out—a necessary coping mechanism.
Being a mother with ADHD means often being late or overly early, frequently forgetting essentials like wipes or snacks, and relying on my husband to handle tasks I might overlook. Our car resembles a cluttered mess due to our tendency to procrastinate cleaning it. Someone is always returning lost items to me—be it a coat, artwork, or that ever-elusive backpack. Library books often go missing, and I can easily overlook children pouring glitter glue until it’s too late.
Yet, at its core, being an ADHD mom is still about motherhood. The challenges I face may be more pronounced, but they mirror the experiences of all mothers, just amplified. We embrace the chaos, and despite the hurdles, we find happiness in our lives together. We navigate this journey in our unique way, even if it involves periods of deep focus.
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Summary:
Navigating motherhood while managing ADHD can lead to unique challenges, including time management issues, forgotten items, and the need for strict routines. Despite the chaos, the love and joy of family remain at the forefront. Embracing these experiences, mothers with ADHD continue to find ways to thrive in their parenting journey.