Every year, as Mother’s Day approaches, a wave of blog posts and articles emerge urging mothers to be mindful of those for whom this day may bring discomfort or sorrow. The trend seems to be shifting towards asking mothers to relinquish their special day to acknowledge those who have faced loss.
Having been a motherless child myself and having spent years longing for motherhood while grappling with infertility, I can empathize with the pain that Mother’s Day can evoke for many. However, I can’t shake the feeling that the criticisms often directed at this holiday might be rooted in sexism.
Consider these points:
- Mothers Are Frequently Marginalized: To those without children, it may appear that mothers have the upper hand. Yet, in the U.S., mothers often face significant challenges in the workplace. Many mothers do not receive paid maternity leave, and childcare costs can be astronomical, often forcing one parent—typically the mother—to stay home. This scenario is compounded by the gender pay gap, which typically sees women earning less than men for the same roles.
- Father’s Day Faces Less Scrutiny: Unlike Mother’s Day, Father’s Day rarely sees calls for sensitivity towards fatherless children or men coping with loss. My social media feeds are not filled with reminders to be considerate of those who may struggle on Father’s Day. In fact, this holiday was largely established to ensure fathers felt included in celebrations of parenthood.
- Mother’s Day Is Unduly Micromanaged: It seems that a day dedicated to honoring women faces more criticism than other holidays that celebrate specific groups. For instance, during Veterans Day, non-veterans graciously step aside to allow veterans to take center stage. Similarly, Valentine’s Day is dedicated to lovers, and Halloween primarily celebrates children, yet we don’t see similar demands for inclusivity on these occasions.
- Exclusivity in Celebratory Events: The U.S. calendar is filled with events that cater to specific groups without inciting widespread backlash as long as this exclusivity isn’t based on prejudice or inequality. Non-runners don’t begrudge runners their marathons, and adults don’t ask kids to tone down their excitement during school breaks. It’s unreasonable to expect total inclusiveness all the time.
- Mothers Are Constantly Judged: Society bombards mothers with conflicting advice and expectations. We are criticized by lawmakers, marketed to by corporations, and often demonized or idolized by the media. Now, on top of all that, we are being told how to celebrate Mother’s Day in a way that doesn’t alienate others. This feels like another layer of control over women, particularly mothers.
Mother’s Day has its roots in feminist movements, originating from celebrations of mother goddesses in ancient cultures and calls for peace during the Civil War. It offers mothers a chance to unite and support each other, presenting a moment to reflect on the unique relationships we share with our children.
While the complexities surrounding motherhood can be difficult for many, we can still honor those losses while allowing mothers the space to celebrate their roles without guilt or fear of division. This day can be a sanctuary for mothers to come together, despite the pervasive cultural marginalization we often face.
In summary, the calls to diminish Mother’s Day under the guise of sensitivity overlook the legitimate struggles mothers endure and perpetuate a culture of judgment against women. Acknowledging loss is important, but it should not come at the expense of celebrating motherhood.
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