When discussions around breastfeeding beyond the age of one arise, it’s common to hear someone say, “After a certain point, it’s more about the mom’s needs than the child’s.” This statement often prompts laughter from mothers who have nursed toddlers or preschoolers.
I nursed my three children until they were just over three years old. I didn’t plan on breastfeeding for that long; my approach was simply to let them decide when they were ready to stop. Growing up with a mother who was a lactation consultant, I was accustomed to the idea of extended breastfeeding. My own experiences included nursing until I was 2½, and I watched my younger sibling nurse until preschool. The World Health Organization even advises breastfeeding for at least two years, making extended nursing feel entirely normal to me.
Initially, I didn’t have a specific timeline in mind for breastfeeding. However, I couldn’t have imagined nursing a three-year-old until I experienced it myself. The reality is that you don’t start out breastfeeding a 3-year-old; you begin with a newborn, and they gradually grow. Over time, nursing sessions decrease, often to just once or twice a day. There isn’t a sudden age when it feels strange; it can be tiring and challenging at times but never truly weird.
I often wonder where the notion that breastfeeding past a year is more for the mother than the child originates. Many mothers who follow a child-led weaning approach find that they are often ready to stop before their children are. I was prepared to wean around age two but my kids were very attached to nursing, especially at bedtime. Abruptly stopping would have been like taking away a beloved toy, and I didn’t want to put them through that distress.
In reality, we were gradually weaning. From the moment my babies started eating solid foods, we were on the path to weaning. It was a slow process, led by both my children and myself. I began by not offering nursing sessions, only responding when they asked. I then tried to distract them when they asked to nurse and set boundaries about when and where we could nurse. This gentle approach took place over a couple of years, culminating in nursing only during morning wake-ups.
At no point did I ever think, “I really want to breastfeed right now.” While the early days of engorgement made me want relief, beyond that, breastfeeding was never about my own desires. Those who claim that mothers breastfeeding past a year are doing it for their benefit clearly haven’t experienced nursing a toddler. We all know how demanding toddlers can be; imagine that energy focused on nursing! While there can be beautiful bonding moments, the reality of toddler willpower is very real. Although I didn’t dislike the experience, it wasn’t all delightful for me either. However, since studies indicate no negative impact of nursing beyond a year, and because breast milk remains nutritious for as long as a child continues to nurse, I chose to let my children wean at their own pace.
No, my decision to breastfeed beyond infancy was not motivated by a desire to keep my kids dependent or because I found enjoyment in it. To suggest that a mother would breastfeed beyond a year due to her own needs is not only misguided but can verge on offensive. It is perplexing why some feel the need to make such distorted assumptions based on their own experiences.
For those unfamiliar with the idea of a toddler or preschooler nursing, it may seem strange, but unfamiliarity does not equate to inappropriateness. I urge everyone to listen to the countless mothers who have breastfed beyond one year and understand that there is nothing odd or selfish about it. It is simply a gradual weaning process embraced by billions of women throughout history.
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In summary, breastfeeding beyond a year is a natural, gradual process shaped by the needs of both the mother and child. It is not driven by personal desire or benefit but rather by a mutual bond and understanding.