Let’s get real for a moment: I’ve had my fair share of battles with Judgy Mom Syndrome. As someone who typically embraces the “you do you” philosophy, parenting unexpectedly plunged me into a distressing realm where I felt criticized from every angle, and in turn, I found myself perpetuating a toxic culture of judgment. After twenty months of navigating this journey, I’ve gleaned some valuable insights, particularly regarding my transformation into a sanctimommy. Here’s how one becomes a judgmental mom:
Step 1: Experience Parenting Choices That Invite Criticism
In my case, it was co-sleeping. I left my birthing classes and the hospital armed with literature warning against the risks of sharing a bed with a newborn. Co-sleeping was never on my agenda; I had invested in a fancy Halo Bassinest that promised all sorts of soothing features. I was cautioned about SIDS, suffocation, and the potential dangers posed by my husband and our dogs. Naturally, I was panic-stricken at the thought of my baby’s safety. I attempted to use the bassinet, but my son, Oliver, woke up constantly. Eventually, I succumbed to the temptation of pulling him into bed with me for nursing sessions.
Initially, I made a point of placing him back in the bassinet after each feeding, but one night, exhaustion took over, and we both fell asleep. With my breast just inches from his face, he would nurse briefly and drift back to sleep, allowing us both a semblance of rest. It was working for us, but the fear of judgment loomed large. I often encountered comments suggesting that co-sleeping was detrimental, with predictions that I’d end up with a 6-year-old who refused to sleep alone, or worse, that I was risking my baby’s life.
Step 2: Seek Out Like-Minded Parenting Groups
I began to search online for co-sleeping communities and stumbled upon numerous baby sleep support groups that promised a judgment-free zone. I joined as many as I could and found a multitude of parents experiencing the same struggles. Parenting can often feel isolating, so discovering a community of individuals who shared my choices was refreshing.
At first, it was harmless. Members casually shared stories of successful co-sleeping without issues. However, it quickly escalated. I began to encounter comments implying that parents who chose not to co-sleep were emotionally detached from their children. The atmosphere grew increasingly insular, with memes proclaiming co-sleeping as the only responsible choice. I internalized this information, armed with “evidence” to defend my choices. I transitioned from trusting medical professionals to relying on opinions from strangers online.
Step 3: Embrace Judgmental Advocacy
Before I knew it, I had become a fervent advocate for co-sleeping, babywearing, and breastfeeding. A mix of education and defensiveness fueled this shift. I felt compelled to share “scientific facts” with others, often disregarding the parenting choices of my Facebook friends who might have followed different paths. I surrounded myself with a homogenous group that reinforced our shared beliefs, creating an echo chamber where dissenting opinions were dismissed.
Step 4: Acknowledgment and Reflection
The tide began to turn when I realized that co-sleeping was turning into more of a struggle than a blissful experience. By the time Oliver was six months old, my back ached from the side-sleeping position, and my marriage began to suffer due to the lack of quality time together. The supportive community I had built now felt stifling; any deviation from our entrenched beliefs was met with disdain. I sought alternative support groups for transitioning babies into their own cribs, but these often contradicted my previously held advocacy for attachment parenting.
A realization dawned on me: parenting choices are deeply personal, and no one starts their journey with the intention of causing harm. Discussions about sleep training were often met with scorn, leading to a sense of hypocrisy that made reconciling my beliefs challenging. Ultimately, I understood that how I chose to parent was my decision, and nobody else’s approval mattered.
Step 5: The Path to Healing
Fortunately, I found my saving grace in a private mom group that fostered a nonjudgmental environment. This community emphasized the use of personal anecdotes and professional advice over sensationalized claims. We supported one another, recognizing that each of us faced unique challenges and had different parenting styles. The love we have for our children is universal.
Recently, I streamlined my social media presence, unfollowing groups and individuals that perpetuated negativity. I learned to embrace a balanced approach to parenting: I breastfed Oliver, weaned him at 13 months, co-slept, and later sleep-trained him at 6 months. We love our stroller just as much as we cherish babywearing. Ultimately, what works for me and my son is what truly matters.
It’s time we trust one another to make the right choices for our families instead of hastily judging each other’s paths. And let’s be mindful of the backhanded comments—they hurt more than we realize.
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Summary
This piece reflects on the journey from being a judgmental parent to embracing a more accepting mindset. It highlights the importance of community, the pitfalls of seeking validation, and the realization that every family’s choices are unique. The author encourages an environment of support rather than criticism among parents.