As I embrace my mid-30s, I’ve discovered that I’m in the midst of a significant identity crisis, prompting me to share my reflections. I hope there are others out there who resonate with my experience and can provide support, camaraderie, or even just a nod of understanding.
Over the last five years, as I’ve transitioned from my carefree twenties to the more complex thirties, I’ve felt an overwhelming sense of confusion. This confusion manifests in my desire to relive the carefree days of my youth—donning my favorite sneakers and scrolling through trendy stores—while simultaneously wanting to embrace the responsibilities of motherhood, like pushing a shopping cart through Stein Mart in search of comfortable yet practical clothing.
The struggle is genuinely real. I find myself torn between sending my friends memes laden with inappropriate humor and engaging in deep discussions with my partner about the serious issues our children might face as they grow. I crave the nostalgic indulgence of childhood snacks while also desiring the sophistication of a fresh salad from a nice restaurant.
I often binge-watch classic sitcoms and scroll through social media, yet I also feel the pull to carry a stylish handbag gifted by my mother-in-law. This back-and-forth between the carefree, slightly self-absorbed persona of my twenties and the organized, responsible adult I am expected to be is exhausting. The realization that I’m 34 and still using phrases like “got me trippin’” adds a layer of embarrassment I can’t shake off, making me feel as if I should be snacking on candy instead of contemplating adulting.
However, as I write this, I find it cathartic. I realize that fully embracing either identity exclusively feels disheartening. Who wants to be labeled as the “trying-too-hard” mom? Yet, diving headfirst into responsibilities and conventions associated with adulthood feels equally daunting. I can’t help but feel that if I fully commit to adulting, I’d have to relinquish my cherished comfort foods and habits.
So here I am, existing in this liminal space between two identities that I both cherish and despise. If you find yourself in a similar boat, don’t hesitate to reach out. I’ll reassess this identity crisis as I approach 40 or 50—or maybe I’ll just choose to remain a twenty-something at heart forever.
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Summary
In my mid-30s, I grapple with an identity crisis, caught between the carefree spirit of my twenties and the responsibilities of adulthood. This struggle evokes feelings of confusion as I navigate motherhood and self-identity, ultimately leading me to seek shared experiences with others in similar situations.