Long before I became a parent, I was a child navigating my own identity as a gay kid. I still vividly remember my first crush in kindergarten on our student teacher from a nearby college. I was infatuated, and when she left at the end of the semester, I felt an ache in my heart. Even at that young age, I had an inkling that I was different. While I may not have understood the definition of being gay, the emotions I felt for another girl were undeniably unique. Unfortunately, societal norms dictated that girls liked boys, boys liked girls, and that was the expected path.
I spent 13 challenging years in school, participating in sports and striving to be a model student, all while trying to fit in. I encountered many wonderful, intelligent people, yet none provided me with a safe space to express my true self. My family, influenced by church teachings and societal prejudices, was not a refuge either. I often heard derogatory jokes about “faggots” and “queers,” and I was taught that being gay was a sin.
I carried the weight of this hidden truth, feeling ashamed and terrified of losing friends and the respect of those around me. This fear is no way for a child to live.
Fast forward to today—33 years later—and while progress has been made, there is still a long way to go. Technological advancements have outpaced societal acceptance. I’ve been able to use voice commands on my phone for years, yet many people still face discrimination regarding their rights based on their sexual orientation. Young people continue to fear coming out as gay, lesbian, or transgender, and tragically, many endure bullying that leads to devastating consequences.
As parents, we cannot shield our children from life’s hardships, but we can create a nurturing and loving environment at home. Some of you may already have gay children, even if neither you nor they have fully acknowledged it yet. It’s crucial to cultivate a sense of comfort around the possibility of your child being gay.
I’m not suggesting you drape your infant in a rainbow flag—though that would be fun—or insist your son wear pink, although that could be great too. What I am asking is for you to make it clear that your child can share anything with you. Show your love and respect for the courage of any LGBTQ+ friends and family members. Introduce literature that showcases diverse families, including those with same-sex parents. Remind your children that your love is unconditional, regardless of who they are.
If this seems daunting, consider these two thoughts: The next time your child embraces you or smiles genuinely—barring any recent mischief—hold them a little tighter and let the love you feel wash over you. Would that feeling change if you learned your child was gay? And if your child came to you feeling sad or hurt—again, assuming they haven’t just done something to test your patience—would you withhold comfort because of their sexuality?
All children deserve love and support, including those who identify as LGBTQ+. They face enough challenges in life without having to worry about acceptance from their own families. You tolerate certain coworkers or relatives during family gatherings, but don’t just tolerate your child if they come out as gay—embrace them wholeheartedly and foster an environment where they can love and accept themselves.
One of our key responsibilities as parents is to instill confidence in our kids. This confidence is grounded in a sense of happiness, which should begin at home.
If you’re interested in exploring more about home insemination and the journey of parenthood, check out this insightful article here, or learn about couples’ fertility journeys at Make A Mom. For those considering IVF, this excellent resource can guide you through the process here.
Summary
The journey of acceptance for LGBTQ+ children starts at home. Parents have the power to create an environment of love and support, allowing their kids to embrace their identities without fear. Encouraging open communication and demonstrating unconditional love can foster confidence and happiness in children, irrespective of their sexual orientation.