Time for some honesty: I’ve grappled with what I call Judgy Parent Syndrome. Despite my usual “you do you” attitude, parenting thrust me into a harsh reality where I felt scrutinized, and as a result, I became part of the problem. After twenty months of navigating this journey, I’ve gained valuable insights, particularly about my transformation into a sanctimommy. Here’s how this process unfolds:
Step 1: Encountering Judgment
In my case, co-sleeping became the focus of scrutiny. I came away from birthing classes and the hospital armed with pamphlets warning me of the perils of having a baby in my bed. Co-sleeping was never my plan; I had invested in an impressive Halo Bassinest, designed to soothe my newborn with its various features.
Fearful of SIDS and other dangers, I initially tried to use the bassinet, but my little one woke frequently. In a moment of exhaustion, I began bringing him into bed with me to nurse. Soon, I found that this arrangement worked wonders for our sleep, even though I still worried about the judgment I might face from others.
Step 2: Seeking Like-Minded Communities
To find solace, I turned to Facebook groups focused on co-sleeping. I joined various communities that promised non-judgmental support for parents like me. It felt great to connect with others who shared my experiences.
At first, the conversations were light-hearted, but gradually, I noticed comments implying that parents who didn’t co-sleep were somehow detached from their children. The discourse shifted from supportive to confrontational, with memes and articles asserting that co-sleeping was the only responsible choice. I found myself believing that my parenting style wasn’t just acceptable—it was the right one.
Step 3: Embracing Judgment
As I became an avid advocate for co-sleeping, babywearing, and extended nursing, I felt compelled to educate others. The irony was palpable: I was protecting myself from criticism while simultaneously judging fellow parents. My social media became a platform for sharing “evidence-based” facts that reinforced my beliefs, often disregarding the diverse experiences of others.
Step 4: Self-Reflection and Conflict
Then came the realization that co-sleeping was no longer working for us. My son, Leo, was six months old, and the exhaustion was taking a toll on my body and my relationship. I desperately sought ways to transition him into his own space, but my previous convictions clashed with this new necessity.
The judgment I had once cast upon others now loomed over me. I understood that every parent makes choices based on their circumstances, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting.
Step 5: Finding Peace
Fortunately, I discovered a private mom group that fostered genuine support without judgment. This community emphasizes personal experiences over unverified opinions, creating a safe space for sharing. I’ve since removed myself from toxic online interactions, focusing on supportive connections that nurture rather than criticize.
My parenting style is a blend of everything—breastfeeding, formula, co-sleeping, and even sleep training. What matters is that my son and I are thriving, and I’ve learned to trust that each family finds their own path.
It’s essential to allow parents the freedom to do what feels right for their families and to refrain from making hurtful comments.
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In conclusion, I’ve learned that parenting is not about perfection but about finding what works for your family. All of us are navigating our unique journeys, and mutual support is what truly matters.