Long before I became a parent, I was a young person navigating the complexities of my identity as a gay child. My first crush blossomed in kindergarten—a lovely student teacher from a nearby college. I was utterly enchanted, and her departure at the semester’s end left me heartbroken. While I struggled with spelling, I understood one thing: I was gay.
Though I didn’t fully grasp what being gay meant, I felt different emotions toward girls that I instinctively knew were not widely accepted. I understood that girls liked boys, boys liked girls, and eventually, they all got married. The secrecy surrounding my feelings grew heavier as I moved through 13 years of schooling. I engaged in sports and strived to excel academically, trying desperately to fit in. Despite encountering many wonderful people, none provided a safe space for me to express my true self. My family, influenced by religious beliefs and prejudice, offered little support. I absorbed the hurtful jokes about “faggots” and “queers,” along with the disdain shown towards suspected LGBTQ+ individuals in my community.
This shameful secret weighed on me, inducing fear of losing friends and the approval of those I admired. The emotional toll was immense—a burden no child should have to bear.
Now, 33 years later, the world has improved in some ways, but we still have a long way to go. While technology has advanced beyond our imagination, human empathy has not kept pace. Many young people still live in fear of coming out as gay, lesbian, or transgender, and those who do often face bullying that can lead to tragic outcomes.
As parents, we cannot shield our children from all of life’s disappointments, but we can create a home filled with love and acceptance. It’s essential to recognize that some of you may have gay children, whether or not you or they are aware of it. I urge you to foster an environment where your child feels comfortable exploring their identity.
This isn’t about draping your child in rainbow flags or coercing them into wearing pink. Instead, it’s about affirming to your kids that they can share anything with you. Speak positively about LGBTQ+ friends and family, read books featuring diverse family structures—like those with same-sex parents—and assure your children of your unconditional love.
If this feels challenging, take a moment to reflect: When your child hugs you or smiles at you, relish that feeling of love and pride. Would that emotion change if you learned your child was gay? If they approached you seeking comfort due to sadness or hurt, would you withhold your support based on their sexuality?
All children deserve love and nurturing, including those who identify as gay. They face enough struggles without having to combat societal intolerance or seek your acceptance. Remember, you tolerate certain colleagues or relatives; don’t settle for merely tolerating your children or their friends if they come out as gay. Embrace them, love them, and provide an environment that encourages self-acceptance.
As parents, our role is to cultivate confidence in our children. That confidence flourishes in a happy home. For more insights on parenting and family dynamics, check out our other blog posts, including one on home insemination.
In summary, we must create a loving and accepting environment for our children, especially regarding their potential identities. By fostering open communication and unconditional support, we can help them grow into confident individuals.