After a long day at work, I returned home to find my wife, Sarah, deeply entrenched in the chaos of parenting. Dinner was simmering on the stove, while our youngest, Jamie, clung to her leg in a dirty onesie, crying for attention. At the table, my two oldest, Lucas and Emma, were embroiled in a heated debate over math homework. Lucas insisted on helping, but Emma was having none of it, demanding, “I want Mommy!”
This is often the scene when I come home—absolute pandemonium. I recently came across some artwork on Bored Panda that showcased romantic couples in idyllic settings. One painting depicted a woman reaching for tomatoes while her partner lovingly embraced her from behind. Those images stir up nostalgia for the quiet, tender moments Sarah and I have shared over our 13 years together. But in our current life with kids, we rarely resemble those loving couples. Instead, we sometimes feel more like co-managers of a household than romantic partners.
In those hectic moments, I often catch Sarah giving me a look filled with urgency, her lips pressed tightly together and her eyes wide. It’s a silent plea for assistance. Sure, I’d love to pull her close and share a kiss, but with the kids in full meltdown mode, there’s no time for sentimentality.
I dropped my bag, scooped up Jamie to change her diaper, and attempted to mediate the sibling squabble like I was defusing a tense situation. Meanwhile, Sarah kept dinner going. Once the meal was ready, we set the table together, and finally sat down as a family to eat.
Throughout the evening, conversation was sparse. We didn’t exchange stories about our day, nor did we touch. We were simply working in tandem as parents, efficiently managing our home. While this may not seem romantic, there’s something profoundly beautiful in knowing that we’re a team. We’ve reached the point where we don’t need to ask how to assist each other; we just know.
Sadly, many view moments like this as a sign of complacency in a relationship. They may interpret it as a loss of passion or love. However, I don’t see it that way. It’s a testament to the realities of marriage, the love shared, and the challenges of raising a family together. Marriage and parenting are indeed rewarding but often lack the cinematic flair of love stories. Sometimes they resemble two business partners balancing spreadsheets, splitting responsibilities, and collaborating on discipline strategies. Other times, they involve appreciating each other even when one is still in sweatpants.
This doesn’t mean you should settle for a lack of affection or romance. There’s still a need for kisses, cuddles, and moments of intimacy. It’s crucial to take a moment to recognize that amidst the chaos, you have a partner who’s willing to share one of life’s toughest jobs—parenting. That’s a beautiful realization.
Once the kids were tucked in bed and the dishes were cleared, I called out to Sarah, “You haven’t kissed me.”
She turned from the living room, mirroring my sentiment, “You haven’t kissed me.”
We shared a moment of silence, waiting for the other to make a move. Finally, we walked towards each other, leaning in for a kiss. For a fleeting second, we looked like the couple from that painting—until we heard the creak of a door. Jamie was out of bed, wandering towards us. Without a word, I gently released Sarah and scooped her up, carrying her back to bed. The romance would have to wait once again.
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Summary:
Navigating the chaos of parenting can often make marriage feel less romantic and more like a collaborative business partnership. In the throes of child-rearing, intimacy may take a backseat, but the understanding and teamwork between partners remain essential. Recognizing the beauty in this partnership is vital, even when romance is paused amidst the chaos.