When my children were toddlers, sharing a room was a simple arrangement. Our little ones co-slept with us most nights anyway, and as long as they had a space to play, they were content. However, as our family expanded and the kids grew older, we realized the importance of individual spaces. So, when searching for a new home, our primary goal was to find one with enough room for everyone.
After we moved, the kids transitioned from tiny, cramped bedrooms to much more spacious ones. Our eldest and youngest each got their own rooms, while the middle two shared the largest bedroom, which felt like a mansion compared to their previous space. I dedicated months to gathering playful, kid-friendly decor, purchasing a picture here and a lamp there, and transforming their new rooms into vibrant, welcoming spaces. I envisioned rooms so appealing that they would never want to leave.
But, as the saying goes, the best-laid plans often go awry…
A year into our new home, the children adore their rooms—during the day. But at night, the same routine unfolds as they inevitably ask, “Mom, can I sleep with my siblings?” I find it perplexing. The brand-new bed we got for our youngest remains almost untouched, as does our eldest’s stylish bed that resembles a couch, designed to be inviting. However, when bedtime rolls around, they gravitate toward the shared bunk beds in their middle brothers’ room. And not just to sleep apart—no, they all cram into the bottom bunk, practically stacking on top of each other. At ages 11, 9, 7, and 4, they are far from small; my preschooler is nearly the size of my second-grader! Adding blankets and pillows only exacerbates the limited space, resulting in elbows poking ribs, feet in faces, and knees in backs.
“Why don’t you sleep in your own beds?” I suggest almost nightly. “You would feel much better rested.” I worry about their sleep quality—they can’t possibly be comfortable. The potential consequences of insufficient rest loom large in my mind: poorer school performance, irritability, and a slew of other concerns that I, as a mother, can’t help but fret over.
Yet, when I check in on them before heading to bed, there they are, peacefully snoozing in an intertwined heap. All four are cuddled together, reminiscent of puppies in a pile; sometimes one’s head rests on another’s shoulder, or they’re holding hands. For reasons I may never fully understand, this is their bonding time. They may bicker like cats and dogs during the day, but at night, they showcase a picture of brotherly affection. As darkness falls, they seamlessly shift from fighting to snuggling.
While I may half-heartedly encourage them to sleep in their own beds, this is one battle I choose not to wage. Yes, their beds remain largely untouched. Yes, they look incredibly uncomfortable all huddled together. But I recognize that this phase is fleeting. They won’t always seek the comfort of each other’s presence. By sleeping together, they provide each other with an unspoken assurance that they are not alone in facing the nighttime fears that may linger. They can count on someone always being within reach. Though they may not realize it now, this silent message of support will extend beyond these early years, helping to nurture a lasting bond where they always have each other’s backs. At least I hope so. It’s a hope that keeps me steadfast, especially when it comes to other parts of our nightly routine—bedtime and teeth brushing are non-negotiable, but this one aspect feels essential.
Right now, their closeness is just as vital as their rest.
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Summary
This article reflects on the author’s experience of children who prefer to sleep together rather than in their own rooms. Despite worries about their comfort and sleep quality, the mother recognizes the importance of their bond and the reassurance they find in each other’s presence during the night.