Reaching 40 didn’t faze me much. I often feel like a child at heart, with a sense of humor that leans heavily on the silly side—fart jokes amuse me, and I can’t help but laugh when someone takes a tumble. However, about a month ago, I truly felt the weight of turning 41, and let me tell you, it’s a hefty burden. This realization came in the form of an unsuspecting envelope. Though I grapple with various irrational fears, I hadn’t dreaded an envelope since waiting for college acceptance letters at 17.
As I sifted through my mail, I encountered this ominous piece and opened it, oblivious to the message it contained. While I can’t recall the exact wording, it was something like this:
“Congratulations! You’re officially considered ‘mature.’ Women of a certain age should start scheduling mammograms.”
My initial reaction was disbelief—aren’t women supposed to wait until they’re 45 for their first mammogram? Surely, this was a mix-up, perhaps intended for someone else with sagging assets. A quick Google search revealed that women with higher body weights often need to start screenings earlier. Thanks a lot, healthcare system. Now I’m feeling old and out of shape!
If you’re part of the mammogram community, you might think I’m being overly dramatic, but there’s a backstory here. When I was a teenager, I had a rather traumatic experience accompanying my mother to her mammogram appointment. I still can’t fathom why I was there, but my mom must have had some strange reason for dragging me along, perhaps as a lesson about the realities of womanhood. I remember her cries of discomfort as the technician compressed her breast, and let’s just say it wasn’t a pleasant memory.
Despite my anxiety, I scheduled my own appointment and counted down the days to my first experience of breast squishing. On the day, I drove nervously, reassuring myself that the discomfort would be brief. After checking in, I donned a fashionably unflattering smock reminiscent of JLo’s iconic Grammy gown—except mine ended at a belly pooch instead of a glamorous cut.
As I walked into the examination room, I faced the machine with both apprehension and resolve. The technician recited the procedure in a rote manner before it was time to begin. I must take a moment to describe my breasts for context. When my youngest son was three, he was utterly fascinated with them, often referring to them as “booby sacks.” His innocent remarks about their size and shape were simultaneously adorable and mortifying.
After the technician finished her spiel, I jokingly placed my breasts on the glass plate and said, “Is this how we do it?” To her horror, she tried to slide them back with a pen, resulting in an awkward maneuver reminiscent of starting a lawnmower. Apparently, they don’t want both breasts at once—who knew?
With one breast now pressed against the glass, the technician adjusted my position, tucking away some excess skin before lowering the compression plate. I braced myself for pain, but here’s the surprising part: it didn’t hurt at all. The machine did its job, and after a few x-rays, I was surprised at how manageable the experience was.
I left the appointment feeling accomplished and even proud of my “big, sloppy boobs.” It turns out, facing your fears can lead to unexpected victories.
For those considering pregnancy, this experience serves as a reminder of the importance of health screenings. If you’re curious about home insemination, you can check out this informative blog post on the topic. Additionally, for anyone trying to boost their fertility, Make a Mom offers excellent resources. And if you’re seeking more information on fertility preservation, the Cleveland Clinic’s podcast is a fantastic resource.
Summary
In this piece, we explore the author’s humorous and relatable journey through the anxiety of getting her first mammogram, juxtaposed with her reflections on age, health, and motherhood. Despite initial fears rooted in past experiences, the author discovers that the reality of the procedure isn’t as daunting as anticipated. The article also touches on the importance of health screenings and links to resources for home insemination and fertility support.