I once prided myself on having a robust constitution. Blood? No big deal. Vomit? Sure, it might make me feel queasy, but I wouldn’t actually hurl. Losing a toenail? Bring it on. I could even have a casual chat about poop with my partner. Cleaning up dog pee? Piece of cake.
But then there were certain things that grossed me out, like teeth falling out or the stench of urine in alleys. I still remember the time I attempted to clean up dog poop, only to end up losing my lunch right on top of it. Thankfully, my spouse took over the more unpleasant aspects of pet care.
Then came the kids, and suddenly, my tolerance for grossness skyrocketed. People without children might acknowledge that kids can be messy, but they don’t grasp the full extent until they’re in the thick of it. You’ll find yourself doing things that would have previously made your pre-mom self gag.
You’ll Clean Up Poop from Inconceivable Places
Non-moms know, in theory, that changing diapers means dealing with feces, and that sounds unpleasant enough. But moms understand that poop can infiltrate the tiniest of crevices, and you’ll find yourself delicately digging it out, often requiring multiple wipes. It’s a gross but necessary part of your job, even if you missed the fine print.
You’ll Get Poop on Your Hands
Then there are those explosive diaper moments when poop escapes and covers your little one from head to toe. You’ll find yourself wrestling them out of their clothes—usually the nice ones you chose for a special occasion—while trying to wipe away the mess. You might end up with poop on the side of your hand, and in a moment of frustration, you’ll smear it onto your own shirt and keep going. Your pre-mom self would have cringed at the thought, but now you’re wiping human waste off your hands like a pro.
You’ll Become an Expert in Cleaning Products
Your child might not intentionally smear poop on the walls, but let’s be real—sometimes they do. You’ll also encounter situations where they decide to forgo the potty and leave you with a mess to clean up. And if you have boys, prepare yourself for a never-ending battle against the smell of urine that seems to cling to everything, from the toilet to your bath mats. You’ll soon discover which cleaners effectively mask that odor because living with it is simply unacceptable.
You’ll Catch Vomit in Your Hands
It’s an unwritten rule of motherhood: you’ll find yourself catching your child’s vomit in your hands to prevent an even bigger mess. It’s easier to clean your hands than the couch, sheets, or whatever else they might manage to spew on. You’ll hold that warm, slimy mess without losing your lunch—because you have no choice.
You’ll Suck Snot Out of Their Nose
Enter the NoseFrida, an essential tool that replaces the bulb syringe you got from the hospital. You’ll stick one end in your baby’s nose, the other in your mouth (thankfully there’s a barrier), and suck as hard as you can. The sound of snot would have turned your stomach before, but now it’s just another task on your list.
You’ll Explore the Depths of Their Ears
Not only will you tackle snot, but you’ll also confront earwax. My husband, bless him, produces a significant amount, and I’ve taken it upon myself to regularly clean my kids’ ears, all while they smile blissfully. My non-mom self would have been horrified, but now it’s just a part of my routine.
Someone Will Bleed on You
Your child might not just get a little scrape; they could take a tumble, hit their head, and bleed profusely. In those moments, you’ll rush to the ER, blood covering you and your child as you navigate the chaos. Accepting the sight of blood is one thing; dealing with it intimately is another.
You’ll Wipe Snot Off Their Face—With Your Hand
When a blob of snot clings stubbornly to your child’s lip and there’s no wipe in sight, you’ll swipe it off with your hand. You might even wipe it on the car seat (don’t judge), and call it a day. Touching your own snot is bad enough, but someone else’s? That’s a serious level of motherhood.
You’ll Clean Up After Messy Adventures
Remember those kids on Double Dare who dove into food? As a mom, you’ll find yourself cleaning up the aftermath of similar messy escapades regularly. Scrubbing avocado from neck folds and spaghetti sauce from ear canals will become your new normal. What once repulsed you now feels routine.
You thought you had a strong stomach? Parenthood will test and strengthen that resolve. The journey of motherhood is filled with joy, wonder, and yes, an abundance of mess. It’s utterly disgusting, and yet, you won’t mind at all.
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In summary, motherhood transforms your tolerance for grossness in ways you can’t imagine. What once seemed horrific becomes part of daily life, and you embrace the chaos with open arms.