“Hey,” my friend says as we step into the gym locker room, “you look so skinny!” This comment usually follows a period when I’ve been unwell or sidelined due to an injury, and while it’s intended as a compliment, it doesn’t sit well with me.
When left to my natural state, my body resembles a slender figure with an apple shape in the middle, and topped with two prominent breasts. Working out alters my physique slightly, giving my previously delicate limbs some muscular definition. However, when I lose muscle due to inactivity, people often perceive me as “skinny.” But is “skinny” really a compliment?
I don’t exercise for aesthetic reasons. While I respect those who do, my motivation lies in managing my depression, which I’ve battled for 18 years. The endorphin rush from working out complements my antidepressant medication, stabilizing my mood significantly.
The implication behind being called “skinny” isn’t genuinely flattering. Even if well-intentioned, it reflects a societal tendency to judge and scrutinize bodies. Imagine if I told someone, “You look like you’ve gained weight,” or asked, “When are you going to start exercising?” Those comments are socially unacceptable yet remarks about being “skinny” often fly under the radar.
Compliments about appearance perpetuate a harmful, sexist narrative: the obsession with our bodies and feelings of inadequacy based on looks. This is particularly important when raising girls; we must be cautious not to praise their appearances more than their intelligence or creativity. Although progress has been made since my childhood, many of us who grew up with mothers fixated on dieting still grapple with body acceptance today.
Even as we try to be more considerate in our language, there are still blind spots where we inadvertently reinforce outdated beauty standards. For every individual who feels empowered by the fitness and diet trends on social media, there’s someone who can’t keep up due to health issues or personal circumstances.
Headlines in tabloids still scream, “Celebrity shows off her post-baby body in Hawaii!” But the reality is, she has a body, she had a baby, and that’s it. Meanwhile, friends may compliment us on looking “skinny” after a prolonged absence, unaware of our personal struggles, like recovering from a health issue.
Recently, at my daughter’s art club, I overheard a young girl boasting about her flat stomach, prompting me to intervene. I jokingly stuck out my own stomach and said, “It doesn’t matter what size it is; the important thing is that it functions. Just imagine if it didn’t!” The girls erupted in laughter, discussing the absurdity of food not digesting properly.
There is no “right” way to have a body. Even compliments about body shape, no matter how well-meaning, can reinforce judgment. So please, refrain from calling me “skinny.” My focus is on being healthy, happy, and ultimately indifferent to how I appear to others.
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In summary, we need to shift the conversation away from body size and towards health and happiness. Compliments on appearance can often carry unintended consequences, and we should strive to create a culture that values individuals beyond their looks.