My partner, Lisa, and I had our three children gathered on the couch for a momentous surprise. Ethan, our 9-year-old, was clad in a superhero T-shirt and mismatched shorts, his hair tousled, eyes gleaming with the hope that we were about to unveil a new gaming console. Madison, our 7-year-old, was decked out in her favorite princess outfit, brimming with anticipation. Our youngest, Chloe, was engrossed in a movie on the iPad — the only way to keep her still for the big reveal.
After a year of diligent saving, we had planned a family trip to Disneyland, a significant milestone for us. Both of us work in education and live in a cozy home in rural Oregon. Our entire marriage has revolved around budgeting and saving, and this trip would be our biggest family vacation yet — three days at the park, a stay at the Disneyland Hotel, park hopper passes, the whole experience. We had fantasized about how thrilled our kids would be when they learned the news. We had been so excited about this moment, discussing it in hushed tones when the kids were asleep.
We were like stealthy ninjas.
We wrapped the passes along with complimentary Disneyland luggage tags and handed the package to our two oldest. As they tore through the paper, Lisa and I exchanged smiles, envisioning their ecstatic reactions.
“What is this?” Ethan asked, puzzled.
“They’re passes to Disneyland!” Lisa said, her voice bubbling with excitement.
“Oh…” Ethan replied, his tone as flat as when we tell him what’s for lunch.
Madison mirrored his lack of enthusiasm, and I felt a wave of disappointment wash over me. I glanced at Lisa, whose expression conveyed her own confusion and disappointment. The tickets lay discarded on the floor, while Ethan had already plugged in his headphones, returning to his game. Madison wandered off to her room, completely indifferent. There was no applause, no cheers, no signs of excitement.
What just happened?
As a parent, I had a few ways to interpret this moment. Perhaps my children were spoiled and used to such experiences. However, given that our last major family getaway was five years prior when we drove to a free zoo in St. Louis, I doubted that theory.
Alternatively, maybe we hadn’t instilled in them the wonder of Disneyland. In my childhood, a trip to the Magic Kingdom was an adventure spoken about in reverent tones.
But I think the truth lies somewhere else — we often project our own emotional experiences onto our children, assuming they will share our excitement for things that hold special meaning for us. Parents frequently do this with sports, urging their kids to “have fun” while their children sit on the sidelines, bored and uninterested.
Both Lisa and I had visited Disneyland as kids, and it was a cherished memory for us. My one trip, which I took with my father, occurred shortly before he left my mother, making it one of the few pleasant memories I have of him amidst a childhood filled with neglect. But for our kids, they simply hadn’t had the chance to experience Disneyland yet. They didn’t know what to expect, so they shrugged it off. They lacked the emotional connections and context that Lisa and I had.
In that moment, I felt a mix of shock and disappointment. I questioned my role as a father.
“Really?” Lisa asked incredulously. “You don’t care?” She invited Madison back to the room and excitedly described all the princesses she would meet, the enchanting castles, and the thrilling rides. We even looked up videos of the attractions online, and gradually, the excitement began to spark in their eyes. Victory!
In the end, we had a fantastic trip. The kids enjoyed every moment, and now that they’ve experienced Disneyland, I’m confident that if we surprised them again, their reactions would be entirely different. However, what Lisa and I learned is that our children are still discovering the world. They haven’t had enough experiences to share our enthusiasm for things we hold dear.
Most importantly, we can’t expect them to have the same love for our cherished childhood memories. Just because they didn’t react the way we hoped doesn’t mean they are ungrateful; it simply means they are unique individuals with their own perspectives.
And I’m just glad they enjoyed Disneyland, considering the investment we made!
For more insights on parenting and family journeys, check out this other blog post on our site.
Summary: This article explores the disappointment parents often feel when their children do not react excitedly to surprises, particularly when it comes to experiences that hold sentimental value. It emphasizes the importance of understanding that each child is unique and may not share the same excitement for past experiences that parents cherish. Ultimately, this journey leads to valuable lessons about expectations and individuality in parenting.