As a mother of over five years, I thought I had seen it all—until yesterday when I found myself unknowingly toting a bag containing feces. Yes, a lump of excrement wrapped snugly in a plastic bag, much like a cherished pet in a carrier.
You might be wondering how such a ridiculous situation unfolded. Let me explain. My youngest child is currently in the throes of potty-training. Admittedly, I’m a bit clueless about how to guide a child through this process, so my approach mostly involves a lot of swearing and cleanup.
My son is adamant about wearing underwear at all times, which I’m fine with. I figured the protocol was to dispose of any accidents properly—remove the poop from the clothes, liberate the mess, and avoid letting it linger like an unwanted guest. But apparently, my assumption was misguided; I’ve discovered that what I believed to be an unwritten rule is merely a personal preference among caregivers.
Yesterday, my little one had a significant accident at preschool. His teacher kindly sent me a text to inform me of the incident and reassured me that he was all cleaned up and doing fine. However, she neglected to mention that she had placed everything—the soiled underwear and all—into a plastic bag without removing the offending item. Picture this: his hefty poop, still nestled inside the Paw Patrol underwear, sealed tightly in the bag.
When I arrived at the preschool, I spotted the unmistakable shopping bag hanging from a hook beneath his cubby. Assuming it contained just the soiled underwear, I grabbed it without a second thought. After all, accidents happen, and my washing machine has a toddler setting—no biggie, right?
As we drove home, my son insisted on holding the bag. Reluctantly, I let him carry it after a five-minute battle of wills. Once we were home, I decided to tackle the situation before starting dinner. I untied the bag, expecting to find only soiled underwear, but to my horror, there it was—a massive turd fused to the fabric.
In a panic, I dashed outside to the dumpster and tossed the entire bag without hesitation. There was no way I was going to chip away at an old turd from a pair of cheap pants—absolutely not.
So, let’s make this clear: always dump the poop. At the very least, a little heads-up would be nice. A simple “Hey, just so you know, there’s a turd in there” goes a long way. It’s just common courtesy. I couldn’t have been more shocked if I had found something flaming on my porch.
Note: Since sharing this experience, I’ve learned that daycare providers and preschool teachers are required to send home the soiled items intact for sanitation reasons. While I understand this policy, I’m still pro-turd-tossing, underwear and all.
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In summary, always be prepared for the unexpected when it comes to parenting. And if you find yourself with a bag of poop, don’t hesitate to toss it out.