It’s 7:58 a.m., and the frantic scramble to get out the door for school is finally over. I return to the kitchen to assess the aftermath: coffee cup stains, splashes of milk, assorted crumbs, and smeared peanut butter cover the countertop. A soggy bowl of cereal swims in the remnants of one dish, while another bowl hosts a sticky layer of hardened oatmeal. Meanwhile, our dog strains to snag a taste of the abandoned scrambled eggs left by my youngest. At the center of this chaos sits my teenager’s neglected lunch.
I send a quick text to my daughter: “You forgot your lunch.”
“Oops, sorry! Can you bring it?”
I glance at my calendar and let her know I’ll drop it off at the front office shortly. “Thanks, Mom!” she promptly replies. I respond with a kissy face emoji, pile the dirty dishes in the sink, wipe the counters, and carry on with my day.
While I now have to make an unexpected trip to her school, I genuinely don’t mind. In fact, I’m happy to help my teenager, despite the constant warnings suggesting that I’m hindering her growth into a fully-fledged adult by rescuing her from her blunders.
Frankly, I find that notion absurd.
I’m exhausted by the parenting experts who claim I’m sabotaging my teenager’s transition into adulthood. If I’m too much of a “friend,” they argue, I’m not being strict enough. When I do her laundry, I’m supposedly depriving her of essential life skills and coddling her. Delivering her forgotten lunch is a major faux pas: How will she ever learn to cope in the real world if she doesn’t endure hunger pangs and the distraction of an empty stomach?
I’m not convinced that simply letting our teens flounder is the sole method to prepare them for life beyond our homes. I understand the goal: We need to combat the stereotype of entitled kids by allowing them to face the real consequences of their actions. I agree with that objective, but I believe the path to achieving it isn’t as straightforward as some suggest. Denying my daughter her lunch teaches her that I’m unavailable when she seeks my help, and that’s not an approach I’m willing to take.
Self-sufficiency and accountability are crucial, no doubt. Young adults need fundamental skills such as getting up on time, feeding themselves, managing busy schedules, and taking care of their personal hygiene—just to name a few.
On top of that, the daily rigors of being a teenager are significant. My daughter faces long days at school, followed by sports practices, a mountain of homework, and studying for tests. Technology connects her to both her schoolwork and social life. If she wants to spend time with her friends in real life, she has to plan ahead to ensure everything is completed. Recently, she’s even been turning her phone off well before bedtime because she’s simply too worn out to keep up.
Before you think my teenager is perfect, let me assure you she has her fair share of sass and demands. She complains when her soccer jersey isn’t clean for the next game or when we run out of her preferred cereal. Naturally, it’s my fault for not doing the laundry or shopping. In those moments, I remind her that she’s completely capable of sorting clothes, pouring detergent, and pushing a few buttons, plus there are other breakfast choices available.
We aren’t doing our older kids any favors by perpetually rescuing them or smoothing their paths. Confronting uncomfortable situations and conquering challenges is how our children discover who they are and where their strengths lie.
Sure, I want that for my kids too, but I also want them to understand that it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for—and expect—help when they need it. My goal is to raise not only competent adults but also individuals who feel loved and supported, particularly when they’re making the effort (most of the time) to keep their lives organized.
I don’t respond well to demands, but I see helping my teenager as a chance to model compassion and understanding—qualities I want her to carry into adulthood. Being an adult is not solely about responsibility or managing daily tasks; it’s also about knowing when to seek help and having the courage to ask for it. Giving my teen some leeway helps her feel supported, which I believe builds her self-esteem and fosters empathy—something the world desperately needs.
Being a teenager is challenging enough. I refuse to make it any more difficult. So yes, sweetheart, I’ll happily deliver your forgotten lunch today—just remember to tackle the laundry when you get home.
For more insights, check out this article for tips on navigating the early stages of parenthood; it’s essential to feel informed as you embark on this journey. Additionally, you may find resources on artificial insemination and home insemination kits helpful, like this one from Make a Mom and this excellent guide on IVF for more information.
Summary
Assisting my teenager doesn’t inhibit her development into adulthood; rather, it allows her to learn the importance of asking for help. While raising responsible and self-sufficient individuals is vital, it’s equally crucial that they know they can rely on their support system when needed.