In the blogging realm, there’s a growing trend of capturing significant moments or stages in life with posts and books titled “This is Childhood” or “This is 39.” These reflections freeze time, revealing the raw and real experiences associated with each age or phase.
As I approach my 50s, I find myself pausing to reflect on my life, which feels like it’s either halfway over, halfway lived, or just halfway begun, depending on how you look at it. The impending addition of my 48th candle on the birthday cake stirs a desire to analyze and introspect, a common practice among writers.
NOSTALGIA
It brings back memories of when I could easily scoop up my son—now a young man—and reassure him that everything would be alright. I reminisce about those days when all my children were under one roof, and I think back to my own childhood—those carefree times before marriage and motherhood. I remember running around with neighborhood kids, playing kick the can until the sun set, and enjoying a world without smartphones or social media. Instead, there were vinyl records, 8-tracks, and the adventures of shows like Charlie’s Angels and Starsky and Hutch, all while my sister and I fought for the best TV spot on our green couch.
COVER-UP
Watching the women around me engage in various beauty treatments makes me question if I should follow suit. I find myself spending too much on “age-defying” products that target me simply because of my age. It’s a struggle to mask the wrinkles and sagging skin, and deep down, I know that I’m clinging to something that’s inevitably fading: my youth. Regardless of how much I exercise or eat healthily, there’s no reversing the passage of time.
SEARCHING
I’m on a quest for purpose—my purpose. This journey includes deep dives into my spirituality and exploring my Jewish roots. It means studying with various religious leaders and seeking community. Along the way, I’m grappling with my identity as a woman, mother, friend, writer, and beyond.
DISORIENTING
Having four kids at vastly different life stages creates a whirlwind of chaos and confusion. One moment, I’m arranging a play date for my youngest daughter, and the next, I’m hearing about a college sorority party from my oldest. It’s bewildering to celebrate milestones like a Bar Mitzvah for one son while preparing for another son’s high school graduation. The reality that my oldest daughter will graduate college just as my youngest has her Bat Mitzvah adds to the whirlwind.
UNCERTAINTY
I often question whether leaving my career to stay home was the right choice (I think it was). Uncertainty about returning to work, my employability, and countless daily decisions for my family loom over me. I ponder why misfortunes fall upon good people and grapple with the inevitability of aging and mortality—will I lose my mind first, my body, or meet a tragic fate unexpectedly?
PERIMENOPAUSE
This phase of life is wild! I find myself crying, swearing, and often forgetting why I feel a certain way. I experience exhaustion without clear reasons and obsess over trivial matters. While I consider medication, I lean towards healthier outlets like writing, yoga, and therapy to manage my emotions.
WORK
My work—writing and teaching yoga—may not pay much, but it keeps me grounded. Meanwhile, my husband puts in long hours to support our family, enabling me to focus on ensuring we have clean clothes and balanced meals.
LETTING GO
I’m learning to release the expectations of who I thought I should be: a bestselling author, a public relations expert, or even a psychologist. As my children navigate their independence, I’m coming to terms with the fact that I cannot control their life paths—or even my own.
TRANSITION
I’m in a state of transition—not quite young, but not quite old. I’m evolving from being a young parent to a seasoned one. I find myself caring for aging parents, and my own aging process is reshaping my perception of the world, inviting patience and compassion.
GRATITUDE
I’m grateful for my life, my health, and the incredible people I share it with. My husband and I have weathered many storms together, and I cherish the lessons learned through sleepless nights and the challenges of parenthood.
ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance has become key—of my past, my struggles, and my imperfections. I’ve learned to confront my anxieties and embrace my flaws while still aiming for growth. Life is a complex tapestry of joy and pain, and accepting it all is part of the journey.
FREEDOM
I’m finding freedom in investing my energy in what truly matters—people and causes that inspire me. I’m shedding relationships that drain me and embracing self-care and authenticity.
THE MOMENT
It’s about savoring the present, recognizing that this moment is what truly counts. I take time to meditate and practice yoga, focusing on the now. I’m learning to be fully present with my children, appreciating their individuality and creativity.
LOVE
Above all, I cherish the love I have for my husband and kids, who have taught me so much about life. I value the lessons from my parents and the love shared with friends, both old and new. Each day is a cherished gift.
This is my 48. For more insights into navigating parenthood and life’s challenges, check out this post. If you’re interested in fertility and home insemination solutions, visit Make a Mom for reputable products. Additionally, for comprehensive information on pregnancy, refer to this resource.
Summary
At 48, I reflect on nostalgia, beauty standards, searching for purpose, and the unique challenges of parenting across different stages. I embrace uncertainty, manage the chaos of family life, and learn to let go of expectations while accepting my journey. Gratitude and love for my family ground me, and I strive to cherish each moment.
Leave a Reply