I first encountered Kahlil Gibran’s poignant poem “On Children” during my teenage years. Although I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, I vividly recall my father reciting the line, “Your children are not your children,” with a tone tinged with nostalgia. Perhaps he was grappling with the realities of his children growing up or was simply moved by the poem. Whatever the reason, his shared words left a lasting impression on me.
Fast forward over 20 years and three kids later, I now reflect on Gibran’s message from a mother’s perspective. With my eldest being 16, I find myself struck by the depth of his insights, especially considering he was never a parent himself. Usually, I tend to dismiss parenting advice from those without children, but this poem resonates too deeply to ignore. Maybe it’s the absence of personal experience that allowed him to grasp the essence of parenthood with such clarity.
As I revisit “On Children,” Gibran’s opening lines resonate painfully:
“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”
This hits hard for many parents who feel a profound biological, emotional, and spiritual connection to their kids. We may have chosen to bring them into this world, but ultimately, we do not own them. They are unique individuals shaped by forces beyond our control—be it fate, nature, or whatever higher power you believe in.
The poem continues to remind us:
“You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.”
Not only are our children distinct from us, but we must also confront our own mortality. This realization can be jarring. Our kids are born with their own identities and destinies, and we cannot dictate their paths or beliefs. They exist in a time separate from ours, destined to face challenges and opportunities we cannot foresee.
The poem further emphasizes the passage of time:
“You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
As parents, we are acutely aware that time is relentless. We cannot pause or rewind it, despite our wishes. The urge to imprint ourselves onto our children can be strong, but they must forge their own futures, distinct from ours.
Gibran beautifully describes our role in this journey:
“You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.”
I feel this bending profoundly as my oldest prepares to venture into the world. This is perhaps why many parents claim that parenting never becomes easier. The nearer we get to letting our children fly, the more we are stretched, sometimes to our limits. Yet, this stretching brings pain that serves a purpose.
“Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
This is a beautiful reminder to find joy in our struggles, as both we and our children are cherished by a higher power. We must remain strong, for our stability will support them as they spread their wings.
Our children—who are truly independent beings—will ultimately contribute to the world in ways we may never witness. They are not merely extensions of ourselves but individuals with their own missions and purposes.
In conclusion, Gibran’s wisdom echoes through the ages, reminding us that while we care for our children, they are not ours to possess. They are here to fulfill their own destinies, separate from ours.
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