On a snowy Friday night, I found myself nestled at my kitchen island, legs crossed, indulging in a bag of Doritos. My kids were finally asleep, and as I munched away, I couldn’t help but reflect on the internet buzz surrounding a woman who proposed to her boyfriend with a bouquet made of Doritos. Meanwhile, my soon-to-be ex-husband was out on his first date since our separation. Surprisingly, I felt completely okay about it.
It’s a curious situation, really. Here I am, the mother of his children, and still legally married to him, yet I find joy in knowing he’s experiencing new connections. It feels strange, perhaps wrong, yet liberating all at once. He mentioned the name of the woman he was seeing, but the thought of stalking her on social media didn’t even cross my mind. I was too busy enjoying my snacks and the peace of the moment.
After nearly two decades with this man—someone I once longed to marry, have children with, and fight for—I’ve come to realize that the love I have for him has transformed. It’s shifted into a more maternal affection, while he desires the kind of passion and intimacy we once shared. We both understand this change, and it’s made letting go a bit easier. We remain civil, especially for our three kids, but there’s a mutual respect that allows us to support each other through this transition.
He asked for my opinion on what to wear for his date, and I happily obliged. When he shared details about her over lunch, I listened intently. He even mentioned talking to another woman, and I jokingly called him a “douchebag,” reminding him to be upfront about his intentions. Whether he takes my advice is uncertain, but I felt compelled to share my thoughts, even if it was while tossing fries at him.
Seeing him happy brings me joy, just as I’m finding my own happiness in unexpected ways—right now, that means enjoying my Doritos rather than seeking out another relationship. My own journey of self-discovery is still ongoing, and my “lady workshop” isn’t quite ready for action yet.
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In summary, while the end of my marriage is approaching, I’ve discovered a sense of freedom in allowing my ex-husband to explore new relationships. It’s a path of mutual understanding and respect, as we both navigate this new chapter in our lives.