I became a fan of Joanna Gaines a few years ago when she introduced me to the charm of shiplap. Who knew such a simple design element could stir up more excitement than a tub of ice cream? Her influence made me want to adorn my home with horizontal boards everywhere. I suddenly felt the need for a farmhouse sink and stainless steel countertops. Everything she touches seems to turn into magic, and her design eye leaves me in awe. Along with her husband, Mark, she knows how to transform neglected properties into stunning homes for families, all while keeping it budget-friendly.
One of my guilty pleasures is binge-watching Fixer Upper. The before-and-after transformations have me standing in my own dining room, armed with a sledgehammer in one hand and a paintbrush in the other, imagining tearing down a wall in favor of rustic beams (after the shiplap, of course). Thoughts like, “I really need to open this space up; it needs character and charm. Like, now!” race through my mind.
So when I learned that Joanna was launching her own line of home décor, I was thrilled. After all, her show is named Fixer Upper because she excels at revitalizing homes on a budget, using salvaged materials and upcycled items. She’s a pro at making dreams a reality without breaking the bank.
With four kids and a menagerie of animals, Joanna understands the chaos that comes with family life. She knows how sticky and messy children can be and how quickly pets can ruin things. Surely, her line of Magnolia Home pillows, rugs, and accessories would be affordable, right? She gets it—home accessories take a beating, and it seems impractical to spend a small fortune on them.
I envisioned my home adorned with her accents, making it HGTV-worthy. But then, my excitement came crashing down. Joanna, $90 for a throw pillow? Are you serious? Please tell me this is a joke.
I refuse to shell out $90 for any 22-inch item. You and I both know the fate of throw pillows. They become targets for sticky fingers, pizza sauce, and juice spills. They’re perfect for hiding gum wrappers and lollipop sticks. More often than not, they are dragged across the floor as my kids use them for their makeshift sledding adventures. We all know they will eventually end up between two bare cheeks, courtesy of my children.
Where is the affordable price point we expect from Fixer Upper, Joanna? You built your reputation on budget-friendly renovations. How about giving me a pillow that doesn’t cost me a week’s worth of groceries?
And what’s with the throw blankets? Do they come infused with the tears of a golden unicorn? If not, I’ll be cursing loudly when my dog claims it as his new napping spot, or worse, when my son decides it’s the perfect drop cloth for his bike repairs. He’ll prefer to kneel on that plush throw rather than the old towel I’ve asked him to use (for the fiftieth time).
And a rug for $2,300? Are you kidding me? Can it babysit, serve drinks, and clean itself? If not, I’d rather save my money for something else, like funding my kids’ college education. This is major cash we’re talking about. Everyone knows that with kids and pets, rugs are practically disposable. The rule in my house is: go cheap or go bare.
Don’t get me wrong, Joanna, your line is stunning, as expected. Those throws would look amazing on my couch, but let’s face it, not a single kid out there would keep it pristine for long.
Honestly, Joanna, I’m a bit frustrated with you. Please come back to us when you have something that aligns with the ethos of Fixer Upper without the exorbitant price tag. Until then, I’ll stick with my $5.99 T.J. Maxx pillows (which smell faintly of apple juice) while wrapped in my clearance Target throw, watching my kids roll themselves up in the dining room rug like tacos—without losing my cool.