I adore caffeine so much that I’d choose a racing heart over giving it up any day. I proved this to myself last week. I’ve dealt with heart PVCs (premature ventricular contractions) for most of my adult life. These harmless “extra beats” in my heart are infrequent, but they tend to spike with factors like excessive alcohol, intense exercise, high stress, and, yes, too much caffeine.
A couple of weeks ago, I found myself juggling several of these stressors and made the poor choice to down a large glass of iced tea during lunch with my 5-year-old. We were indulging in a day off from our routine, complete with a trip for pedicures at a salon that offers free M&Ms. Note to businesses: Instead of spending on flashy marketing, just put out some free M&Ms, and I’ll walk in and buy things I don’t even need.
As I settled in for my pedicure, munching on M&Ms (more caffeine), my heart went haywire. I started experiencing PVCs every 20 minutes, something I had never encountered before. Cue the stress, more PVCs, and my futile attempt to soothe myself with even more chocolate. I discovered some unflattering truths about myself in that pedicurist’s chair: 1) Trying not to panic only intensifies the panic, and 2) I lack impulse control when there are free M&Ms involved, even if it feels like I’m on the verge of a heart attack.
That pedicure was the least relaxing experience of my life. The sole thing keeping me grounded was the thought of my doctor’s appointment the next day.
At the sterile office, my doctor confirmed my heart was fine but then dropped the “welcome to getting older” bombshell. I wasn’t thrilled. She advised me to cut back on caffeine, as it was clearly a major trigger for my PVCs. It felt like she was asking me to stop breathing or give up the very act of eating. I left wondering how I’d break this devastating news to my family.
Eating, breathing, caffeine—this trifecta is essential for my enjoyment of life. Without caffeine, I morphed into an irritable shrew, finding solace only in making everyone around me miserable. I detested kittens, babies, and even the sunshine, which seemed intent on scorching my eyes. At one point during my first caffeine-free day, enduring a relentless headache and a fatigue that made me hear colors, I convinced myself that my heart’s irregularities weren’t that concerning after all.
Yet, I soldiered on. In the event of my untimely demise, my husband would surely be lost trying to figure out our daily schedule. I managed to hold out for six days. I can only imagine my kids might bring up this week in therapy one day.
“Doc, I think I developed a startle reflex during the time my mom quit caffeine.” “I suspect my eye twitch began when she thought we could survive without her beloved chai tea.”
After the sixth day, much like a deity, I realized we all needed a break. I craved that comforting warmth of a cup in my hands, knowing that in 20 to 30 minutes, everything would be okay. I needed to stimulate my central nervous system and boost my alertness in 8-ounce increments. I finally acknowledged my dependency on caffeine and accepted it.
I’ve successfully reduced my intake, and so far, I haven’t experienced any PVCs, which gives me a glimmer of hope. I’ll keep monitoring my heart and act responsibly, so please, cut me some slack. However, I can’t promise I’ll ever give it up entirely again; life is simply too short to forgo the things that bring you joy. I love you, caffeine. I’m sorry we had our spat.
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In summary, my brief stint without caffeine taught me that while moderation might be key, completely giving up what you love can lead to an irritable existence. Balancing enjoyment with health is paramount, and for now, I’ve found a way to keep both in check.