It’s been years since I watched Look Who’s Talking, yet one scene remains vivid in my memory. Kirstie Alley’s character sits on a park bench, reading about mothers enduring postpartum depression, and defiantly declares, “Well, I’m not gonna!” Fast forward to her sobbing on the couch over a trivial TV commercial — that was my entire understanding of postpartum depression before I became a mother.
Despite my meticulous planning throughout pregnancy, I quickly learned that I couldn’t control the possibility of facing postpartum depression or anxiety. All I could do was educate myself about the warning signs and potential triggers. However, I found little information on postpartum anxiety. In fact, it’s surprising to learn that around 80% of mothers experience some form of postpartum depression or anxiety, yet so many remain unaware until they experience it themselves. Some may even endure it without realizing what’s happening.
After a grueling 46 hours in the hospital, my daughter was born via C-section in November 2015. She was perfect, and I felt my life was complete. As night fell on our first day together, I thought I would simply feel exhausted. But then, without warning, a wave of panic washed over me. There was no clear trigger — just a sudden sense of tunnel vision and an overwhelming need for fresh air. After three days confined to the hospital, I was convinced that stepping outside would help me feel better.
But stepping outside didn’t solve anything. The panic escalated into a full-blown attack, and with no prior history of anxiety, I was at a loss for how to cope. I don’t recall how I eventually calmed down or even managed to sleep, but I vividly remember the hospital psychiatrist who visited me the next day. His kindness and reassurance that my feelings were entirely normal helped, even if I didn’t feel normal at all. He suggested I reach out to a postpartum therapist, assuring me that I would be alright.
Though his words were comforting, they didn’t resonate with my experience. I had transitioned from a state of bliss to one of sheer terror in an instant, leaving me feeling vulnerable and confused. I tried to rationalize my panic; after all, my labor included two failed inductions, an unsuccessful epidural, and a painful C-section. Naturally, I was in pain and a bit anxious. I convinced myself that once I was home, everything would be fine.
But upon returning home, I felt the panic rise again. I looked around my familiar living room, now centered around a tiny 6-pound baby, and was overwhelmed by a flood of emotions that felt foreign to a new mother with fluctuating hormones. I knew this feeling wouldn’t just disappear, so I called the therapist and scheduled an appointment for the next day.
Words cannot fully express the positive impact postpartum therapy had on me. In those initial sessions, I felt like a shell of my former self, yet my therapist consistently affirmed that I was already doing well. That was precisely what I needed to hear. While my husband and mother provided exceptional support, I craved validation from someone experienced in postpartum therapy. I needed to know that what I was experiencing was common and that it would improve — and gradually, it did.
As weeks passed, my body healed, my anxiety diminished, and life began to feel familiar again. My husband and I established a routine with our baby, who blessed us with long stretches of sleep at night. I also connected with other new moms, sharing our fears and experiences. Returning to work after my maternity leave, I started to blend my old life with my new one, and it felt right. The surreal fog that had enveloped me lifted without me even noticing.
My final session of postpartum therapy took place in the summer of 2016, about seven months after my daughter was born. I now proudly parent a vibrant 15-month-old girl who is adventurous, spirited, and unafraid. While I still experience moments of unease, they are fleeting and no longer suffocating. I openly discuss my experience with postpartum anxiety with both new and old mom friends, and I’m often met with responses like, “I felt the same way!” It’s nothing to be ashamed of or fear. I embrace it as a badge of courage, just like my C-section scar — both part of my journey in bringing my daughter into this world.
Being a first-time mother is a blend of wonder and trepidation. If you’re willing to celebrate the joyous moments, don’t shy away from sharing the challenging ones too. Remember, asking for help is not only okay; it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your precious little one, especially if you need support. For more insights on navigating motherhood, check out this other blog post.
In summary, it is essential to acknowledge the challenges that come with new motherhood. Many women experience similar feelings of anxiety and panic, and seeking help can significantly improve one’s mental health. Resources like this offer support, and the World Health Organization provides valuable information about pregnancy.