I know my daughter, Mia, cherishes our time together. I feel a surge of gratitude during those rare moments when she asks me for a cuddle. Yet, I often worry that our differences are so vast that true understanding seems out of reach. As Mia approaches 11, I yearn to strengthen our bond, but it frequently feels like we’re worlds apart.
Like many mother-daughter duos, we share activities like shopping and indulging in our favorite frozen yogurt. However, our conversations often fall silent. When I attempt to probe her feelings with questions, she usually shrugs or provides brief responses. While she does flash me smiles, a barrier remains that I can’t seem to penetrate. I sometimes wonder if the best friend role is one I’m meant to occupy in her life. Figuring out what she truly needs from me can be quite the challenge.
Fortunately, Mia has her father. The two share a striking resemblance in their tastes, from food preferences to their shared love for lounging in comfortable attire. It’s amusing to think that marrying my complete opposite also led to parenting a mini version of him. Still, there are times when I wish that one of my sons exhibited such stark differences instead. At least then, I would know how to navigate that emotional distance.
When I learned I was having a daughter, I anticipated she would mirror my personality. In some aspects, she does. We both adore chocolate and can lose ourselves in books for hours, just like I did as a child. Mia also loves writing, which fills me with pride since it’s a passion of mine. However, our differences can create a disconnect that makes it hard to connect, no matter how much I try.
I envisioned having a daughter who would come home excitedly sharing every detail of her day. Instead, Mia keeps her thoughts and feelings close to her chest, revealing them only in emotional outbursts. This tendency often leads to misunderstandings between us.
I had hoped to be the go-to person for her when it came to boys and friendships, but she seems to shy away from discussing those topics with me. This leaves me feeling a bit lost, yearning for insights that would help me support her in the right ways.
Not long ago, we started journaling together, which initially proved to be a rewarding experience. I would pose questions, and Mia would respond thoughtfully. Unfortunately, I fell out of the habit due to the exhaustion of daily life.
Despite my desire to know her innermost thoughts, I’ve realized that giving her space often leads to a smoother dynamic between us. I constantly second-guess my approach as a mother, especially since she tends to be quiet around me but flourishes in her friendships. I occasionally wonder if I’m doing something wrong, but then she surprises me by asking me to read to her, or wanting to share moments together, reminding me that she does value my presence—even if it isn’t always vocalized.
During a recent visit from my father, he pointed out how Mia resembles me as a child. I was taken aback. “Really?” I asked. “I don’t see it. She’s so reserved and keeps everything inside.” He responded, “You used to be like that too.” This insight gave me hope that, in time, she may open up more.
I’ve come to realize that my own journey to confidence took time, and perhaps my more outgoing nature can be overwhelming for her gentle soul. I’m committed to being patient as she learns that I can be a safe space for her. I’m working on becoming more attuned to her needs to minimize our clashes—it’s an ongoing effort.
Last week, after a particularly challenging day, I found a note on my pillow from her that read, “Mommy – Thank you so much for cooking me dinner, buying me things, and just being my mom. I love you. I love you. I love you.” It hit me then that I need to reignite our journaling practice. There’s much more to explore and express between us. Despite our differences and the silences that sometimes linger, I trust we will navigate this journey together, and I am the mom she truly needs.
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In summary, while my daughter and I may be different in many ways, I am committed to understanding her better. Our relationship is evolving, and I believe that as we both grow, we will find the connections we need to thrive.