There they were—my three oldest children, eyes wide with excitement as I let them taste a scoop of icing straight from the can. This was their reward for behaving during a family photo session, and yes, I do resort to bribery sometimes. At this point, I’ve shed any guilt about those tactics. So there I stood, spoon in hand, as icing dribbled down their chins.
With giggles, they looked up and declared, “You’re the best mom ever!” Their smiles exchanged a secret of disbelief about the moment we were sharing. I was enjoying it too—until my oldest chimed in again. “Mom, you really are the best. I can’t believe you’re letting us eat icing out of a can!”
In that moment, my heart sank. While he intended it as a compliment, his innocent praise made me realize he genuinely believed this sugary treat was a sign of my love. His dimples seemed to light up his face, but it also reminded me of the previous night when I had to tell him “no” to something he wanted. He was furious and couldn’t fathom why I would deny him. I held firm. “No, buddy. That’s just not happening,” and in that moment, I didn’t hear any praises about being a great mom.
Is it really that simple for them? Is their perception of love so distorted? The laughter and joy confirmed my suspicion—it was.
The next day, I took some time to reflect on what I wanted my children to understand about my love. I decided to write them a letter (and really a reminder for myself too):