It is estimated that 1 in 6 women have endured either completed or attempted rape. Although it’s difficult to ascertain exact figures due to underreporting, about 1 in 5 girls experience childhood sexual abuse. Self-reports indicate that 20% of women have faced sexual assault or abuse during their childhood. Personally, I seem to be part of that 20% and the 1 in 6, as nearly all the women I know have encountered some form of sexual violence in their lives. Instead of questioning “Were you ever raped or molested?” the more pertinent inquiry is “When did the assault occur?”
We need to establish a respectful dialogue to address this serious topic—one that allows for genuine conversation without trivialization. First and foremost, we must adhere to the practice of trigger warnings, which some may dismiss as unnecessary. While it can be tedious to write *** TRIGGER WARNING BELOW *** in a social media post, it’s important to recognize that just because you haven’t personally experienced assault doesn’t mean these warnings are irrelevant or for the overly sensitive. Trigger warnings serve a vital purpose for individuals who may be deeply affected by reminders of their trauma. They deserve the autonomy to choose when and how they engage with discussions surrounding sexual violence, especially since that choice was taken from them at least once.
Secondly, we must foster a supportive community that encourages open discussions about these experiences. Those of us who have faced similar situations need to share our stories—not for shock value or detailed accounts—but to stand in solidarity with others. For instance, I was molested as a child and later raped twice during my college years. By sharing my experiences, I create space for others to voice theirs. In doing so, we can find healing, realizing we are not alone and that we did not invite this onto ourselves. It is crucial to affirm that what happened is not our fault.
When someone discloses their experience, we must approach the conversation with the same gravity as we would if we were receiving news of a death. In many ways, it is a death—the loss of innocence and the feeling of control over one’s body. The appropriate response to such a disclosure is, “I’m so sorry. How can I support you?” Avoid physical touch unless the individual expresses a desire for it, and refrain from exclamations of shock that shift the focus back onto yourself.
The instinctive response may be to inquire, “What happened?” but it’s vital to resist that urge. If the individual wishes to share specifics, they will do so on their own terms. Avoid probing questions about details, timelines, or whether they reported the incident. Your role is to provide support and ensure the conversation remains centered on the survivor.
If details are shared, your sole responsibility is to listen. Show your understanding with nods and affirmations, but avoid displaying shock, disbelief, or anger, as these reactions redirect the focus back to you. It’s natural to feel anger on their behalf, but it is important to maintain composure. Acceptable responses include, “I’m so sorry,” “I’m angry for you,” and “What happened to you was unjust.” Above all, never question the validity of their experience. Phrases such as “Are you sure it happened that way?” are detrimental to a productive conversation and can cause harm to the survivor’s sense of self-worth.
As we engage in these discussions, we must also be aware of our own emotional state—especially if we are survivors ourselves. It is perfectly acceptable to excuse yourself if the conversation becomes overwhelming. If you find yourself feeling panicked or distressed, prioritize your well-being by taking a break or seeking support. Consider consulting a therapist if needed; this is not something to be taken lightly.
Sexual assault is a devastating experience that alters lives. It is imperative that we develop sensible guidelines to help bring these discussions into the open. This can only occur if individuals feel safe sharing their stories, which will happen only when those narratives are met with empathy and understanding.
In summary, it is crucial to cultivate a supportive environment for individuals ready to discuss their experiences of sexual assault. We must listen with compassion, refrain from asking invasive questions, and validate their feelings. Building a community that encourages openness will ultimately lead to healing for all involved.
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