It all began quite suddenly. As the seasons shifted, I woke up one morning feeling as though I had just emerged from a sauna. “Oops, that’s probably on me,” my partner chuckled. “I turned up the heat while showering since it was chilly!”
Seems logical enough, right? The heat was cranked up, I got overheated, and now I’m drenched. Totally normal.
But now, waking up with a damp shirt is an almost daily occurrence. I’m even couponing for deodorant—something I’ve never done before—just to keep up with my newfound perspiration needs.
Then there’s the back pain, which crept in almost unnoticed. One day I overdid it, stayed on my feet too long, and then bam! Now I’m in constant discomfort. Sure, I can understand that, but it’s been months, and I can’t recall a day without that nagging ache. My back feels like it’s preparing for my period, which, by the way, is still operating on schedule. No delays, no surprises—just the usual routine.
That’s why I hadn’t considered that I might be entering what my mother and grandmother referred to as “the change.” If it weren’t for a random post on social media, I might still be in denial.
At 39, I feel every bit of it in my body, yet my mind still feels youthful, like I’m 25. The “old people problems” I once dismissed are suddenly front and center, and I’m left scrambling for answers.
My first instinct? Google everything. “Should I see a doctor about menopause?” I mean, I didn’t consult anyone when I started my period, so is this different? Why is menopause such a taboo subject? It’s almost treated like a dirty word, something to be whispered about or searched furtively online. When my back keeps hurting, I panic when the search results suggest everything from obscure diseases to menopause, which I can never find in the top results.
This experience isn’t unique, so why is finding straightforward information so difficult? Why am I googling instead of talking to friends? I’m confused. Maybe I have adult-onset ADD, or maybe I’m just navigating perimenopause.
Speaking of talking, my social skills have taken a hit lately. After a lighthearted comment from my partner about hot flashes led to an argument, I’m opting for solitude.
Interestingly, while I’m avoiding social interactions, I’m not experiencing some of the expected symptoms like a decreased libido or vaginal dryness. In fact, the opposite seems to be true; my partner is pleased with my enthusiasm. I’m starting to wonder if I’m the exception to the rule or if we’ve all been misled by outdated notions of what menopause entails.
Or maybe I’m simply sleep-deprived, my back hurts, and the temperature in here is unbearable. Seriously, if someone doesn’t turn the air conditioning on, I might lose it.
I think I might schedule a doctor’s appointment next week to sort this all out.
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