When it comes to bedtime, every toddler should be a master staller by the time they hit two. If you follow my tried-and-true methods, you’ll soon be pushing your bedtime back by a solid forty-five minutes. With a little finesse, you might even find yourself indulging in midnight snacks, catching those cringe-worthy late-night skits, and ordering cozy Slankets off infomercials in no time.
LESSON ONE: Make Pajama Time a Challenge
First, turn changing into pajamas into an Olympic sport. Dash around the house like a whirlwind. If a parent catches you, go limp and become a dead weight. Should they manage to remove your clothes, don’t let that stop you from making a daring escape—run around in your birthday suit!
LESSON TWO: A Sudden Craving for Dinner
This tactic works best if you’ve built a reputation for being a picky eater. Just as your parents start the bedtime routine, express an unexpected interest in dinner. This will put them in a dilemma—do they prioritize getting you to bed or ensuring you don’t starve?
LESSON THREE: Overachieve on Teeth Brushing
Brush your teeth like it’s a competitive event. Ask for more toothpaste, switch toothbrushes on a whim, and let the water run excessively. When you feel your teeth aren’t clean enough, start the whole process over. This can easily add crucial minutes to your bedtime routine.
LESSON FOUR: Hide Your Comfort Items
Create a collection of comfort items, including a blanket, a stuffed toy, and a sippy cup. About an hour before bedtime, stash these essentials around the house. Your parents will then embark on a frantic search for them, knowing you won’t settle down without your favorites.
LESSON FIVE: The Book Negotiation Game
When it’s time to pick bedtime stories, freeze in front of the bookshelf. Renegotiate the number of books—if they say two, ask for three; if they say three, push for four. Always aim for the longest book possible or one with tons of flaps to lift. Those take forever!
LESSON SIX: Engage and Amaze
All day long, your parents have attempted to engage with you. Now’s your chance! Flash them your biggest smile, and unleash every word you know. Start a conversation, sing a song, or simply declare “I love you.” Your goal is to make it as tricky as possible for them to leave the room.
LESSON SEVEN: The Last-Ditch Effort
If a parent scoops you up to place you in your crib, your countdown begins. You can try to squirm away or protest loudly. But I suggest you either lay down and accept your fate or call out their name as they walk away. Remember, you’ve done a stellar job stalling, and there’s always tomorrow for even more practice.
Sleep tight, little ones! For more tips on navigating the complexities of parenthood, check out this insightful blog. If you’re looking for resources on fertility, this is an excellent guide. Also, consider these fertility supplements to assist with home insemination.
Summary:
Mastering the art of bedtime stalling can turn sleep time into a fun game. Utilizing tactics like hiding comfort items, negotiating book choices, and engaging your parents can easily extend your bedtime. Remember, every night presents a new opportunity for inventive stalling!
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