For the past five years, I have endured the turmoil of panic attacks—so many, in fact, that I lost track of their frequency. The haunting memories of my most intense episodes linger in my mind like unwelcome nightmares: the time I was watching over a friend’s house, or the numerous attacks I experienced in my college dorm. These moments are etched in my memory.
During my panic attacks, I encounter the typical symptoms that most people associate with these episodes—those easily found with a quick online search. The racing heartbeat that feels as if a massive bird is trapped in my chest, the clammy hands, the nausea, and the trembling. These distressing physical manifestations are common, and many can likely relate to having experienced something similar at least once.
However, panic attacks extend beyond a sudden wave of anxiety; they are far more intense than the startled feeling you get when someone jumps out at you, prompting a casual remark like, “You nearly gave me a panic attack!” Panic attacks can be deeply traumatic and often recurrent.
What many don’t understand is that the physical sensations during a panic attack aren’t always the most frightening aspect. There are distressing psychological experiences that often go unspoken. Among my most alarming panic attacks are two symptoms that rarely make it into conversations about panic disorder: derealization and depersonalization.
Derealization
Derealization refers to the sensation of being detached from one’s environment. When I experience it during a panic attack, everything around me feels alien. I could be in my own room, surrounded by familiar sights—my cat, my bed, my clothes—but it seems as if I’ve been transported to an unfamiliar realm. It’s as though I’ve become an outsider in my own life, with the surroundings appearing foggy and unreal. This detachment is terrifying, leaving me grappling to comprehend my reality as my mind spirals. In those moments, I desperately seek something familiar to anchor myself, yet my own mind complicates that search.
During panic attacks, the people I care about may feel like strangers. This sense of derealization fuels my anxiety about traveling to new places. I love exploring, but the fear of losing my grip can often hold me back.
Depersonalization
On the other hand, depersonalization is a distinct experience, though both symptoms can occur simultaneously. It feels as if I’m viewing myself from a distance, detached from my own body. In those moments, I struggle to connect with what truly matters to me. I find myself merely going through the motions without direction.
Panic attacks leave me drained and searching for reminders of my identity. Each episode feels like a quest to rediscover myself. Frequent panic attacks force me into a constant reaffirmation of who I am.
For me, depersonalization and derealization are the most daunting sensations because they originate from my mind rather than my body. These are invisible symptoms, which amplifies their terror. They often come with an overwhelming fear of losing my sanity and control.
At times, I feel as though I carry the weight of the world’s problems—everything I hear in the news seems to rest on my shoulders. My panic attacks can carry themes like this, and the anxiety of feeling “crazy” exacerbates the situation. This leads to a vicious cycle of panic that is hard to break.
It’s crucial for others to understand that panic attacks aren’t simply about a racing heart or a fleeting fright. The answer isn’t always to calm down and breathe; sometimes, it’s about clinging desperately to what you know is real, reminding yourself that the people and things around you are indeed familiar. It’s about resisting the urge to panic further and waiting patiently for the sensations to fade, even when the urge to scream and cry is overwhelming.
During panic attacks, the body reacts in a way it knows when faced with fear, which can mean temporarily disconnecting from reality. I find comfort in that understanding—it helps me feel that my panic attacks are manageable. They represent a delicate balance between reality and illusion. While depersonalization and derealization are frightening, I reassure myself that they will eventually pass, and I will return to my true self and the loved ones around me.
Navigating my panic attacks can feel like an arduous journey back to normalcy. Even though I may feel “crazy” and out of control for a time, I remind myself that there is an endpoint to this experience. This thought helps ground me when my heart races.
For more insights into managing stress and anxiety, you can check out our other blog post at intracervicalinsemination.com. If you’re looking for authoritative information on home insemination, visit Make a Mom. Additionally, Resolve is an excellent resource for those exploring pregnancy and family-building options.
In summary, panic attacks encompass a range of symptoms, including the often-ignored experiences of derealization and depersonalization, which can be equally—or even more—terrifying than the physical sensations. Understanding these elements is crucial for those who suffer from panic attacks and for those who wish to support them.