You might find it surprising, but I’m judging you. Yes, me—the one who always appears so amiable and chatty at gatherings. The one often referred to as “the friendly one” in various circles? The one who cracks self-deprecating jokes to help others feel more at ease?
I’m judging you. From your parenting choices to what you serve your kids for dinner, to your opinions on vaccinations, I’m making assessments about you.
In my school days, I probably judged you based on whether you preferred the monkey bars or the swings. By middle school, I was fixated on your hairstyle and outfit. As a judgmental teenager, I certainly critiqued your taste in music too.
Judgment is part of human nature, and I’d argue it’s something we all do. Every day, we assess others, and it isn’t necessarily negative. For instance, if you mention your passion for travel, I’ll view you as a valuable resource for my next adventure. We constantly make judgments about potential friends or caregivers for our children.
However, don’t fool yourself into thinking you only make positive assessments about others. For every compliment, there’s a critical thought lurking. If you admire a beautiful sweater, you’re bound to notice one that’s not so appealing. Positive or negative, when we meet, I will be judging you.
The catch? You won’t ever know. While I may have my judgments, I’m not one to vocalize them. My judgments don’t equate to me thinking you’re a bad person. I recognize there’s more to you than whether you co-sleep or believe Olive Garden offers authentic Italian cuisine. Your approach to spanking may influence whether I let you babysit my children, but it won’t define your worth as an individual.
When I judge, I’m merely acknowledging my belief that my perspective is superior in that instance. Yet this doesn’t make me better than you. I can still see your wonderful qualities, and I wouldn’t want my judgments to hinder our friendship—which is why I keep them to myself.
If I were to express my disdain for chain restaurants, would that stop you from enjoying your favorite dish on date night? Absolutely not. So why speak up? Sharing judgment takes it a step further into shaming.
If I genuinely care about you or your family and we share a close friendship, I might approach you about your choice of a Skittles dinner for your child. But if I don’t know you, I’ll stay silent while your little one enjoys his sugary feast before his third birthday. Your life is your own, and it’s not my place to interfere.
When it comes to sharing judgments online, it often turns individuals into harsh critics. Mothers, typically seen as nurturing, have become particularly adept at this. A quick scroll through comment sections reveals a plethora of shaming directed at every parenting decision imaginable—from breastfeeding to stroller choices.
Has anyone ever changed their mind because a stranger online labeled them a terrible mother for enjoying coffee during pregnancy? Many may be judging me right now, and that’s okay. But let me assure you, if you think your harsh words will change my mind, you’re mistaken. You’re simply showing that you assess someone’s entire life based on a fleeting moment and have time to spare critiquing strangers.
The internet is a double-edged sword. It keeps us connected and offers vast information at our fingertips, yet it often becomes a platform for bitter trolls seeking to elevate themselves by belittling others. If I took online comments seriously, I might as well deliver my children to Child Protective Services myself. Surely, they’d fare better in foster care than with a mother who only breastfed for two months and chose to vaccinate. I’m also certain my kids’ future adoptions should be evaluated based on the amount of buttered pasta I’ve served them.
By the way, feel free to judge me. I let my kids pick their own outfits, my 6-year-old only absorbs about 20% of what I say, and some might argue I indulge in wine too frequently (I may or may not view those people as lame). If you don’t judge me, I’d be surprised. You might leave my house thinking I should hire a cleaning service, but I hope you also notice my husband and I are raising two incredibly joyful and funny daughters. Maybe we even brought a smile to your face.
I truly believe that the universe reflects back what you put out. So, no matter how negative your judgments may be, do yourself and the world a favor: keep them to yourself.
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Summary:
This article explores the inherent tendency to judge others, particularly in the context of parenting choices. The author emphasizes that while everyone makes judgments, it’s crucial to keep them to oneself to avoid shaming others. The piece advocates for understanding and acceptance, highlighting the importance of recognizing the multifaceted nature of individuals beyond singular decisions.