Every holiday season, GOOP releases its gift guide, reminding us that there are those among us who spend extravagant amounts on bizarre gifts. This year’s edition did not fail to amuse, particularly with its section dedicated to lovers cleverly titled The Lover Gift Guide. It’s as peculiar as you’d expect — a whimsical take on romance that leaves you scratching your head.
Let’s dive into this eccentric assortment!
Fur Oil for Pubic Hair – $39
This product boasts a blend of grapeseed and jojoba oils designed to soften and condition. With tea tree oil to minimize ingrown hairs, it’s marketed explicitly for “pubic hair.” Because nothing says romance like applying oil near such sensitive areas, right?
A-Cup Pillow – $295
Hand-knit from highland wool, this breast-shaped throw pillow is said to be the answer to all your pillow needs. However, it raises the question: who has breasts that resemble a single, square unit? It’s a puzzling design choice.
Bang Plate – $80
The description simply states, “Bang plates. Get it?” Unfortunately, the joke seems lost on many, leaving us confused about its charm.
Seletti Toilet Paper Little Butt Table – $416.25
This unique table, featuring a two of spades card nestled into a cartoonish butt, raises eyebrows. At over $400, it’s unclear how this is deemed an appropriate gift for a partner.
One Feather Earring – $350
This single earring is intended to be paired with others for a stylish look. However, gifting just one would leave the recipient scratching their head. Why not just buy a pair?
Membership to an Elite Sex Club – Price Unknown
With a rather intense initiation process, this membership offers access to decadent experiences for the wealthy. Imagine gifting your partner a chance to mingle at an orgy disguised as an exclusive club! Sounds appealing, right?
Nightgown – $168
Described as flattering and timeless, this nightgown seemingly takes inspiration from the high tables at wedding receptions. However, it seems ill-fitting for most, leaving little room for practicality.
Sex Dust – $20
This edible blend is marketed to enhance sexy energy, particularly when mixed with nut milk. Forget champagne; this should be the go-to drink for a romantic evening, apparently.
Amidst such oddities, one might feel overwhelmed by the choices. Whether considering the discomfort of tea tree oil, the awkwardness of an unflattering nightgown, or the bizarre idea of an elite sex club membership, it’s clear that some gifts are better left unwrapped.
If you’re curious about more practical advice for starting a family, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination. For those interested in a more hands-on approach, you might find our guide on artificial insemination kits helpful as well.
Summary
GOOP’s Holiday Gift Guide for Lovers showcases a range of peculiar and hilariously unsexy gifts that leave many questioning their romantic intent. From fur oil meant for pubic hair to a table designed for toilet paper, the selections are as bizarre as they are extravagant. While it may not provide the most romantic ideas, it certainly offers a good laugh and a reminder of the lengths some will go for love.