“Did that really just happen? What should I do? Maybe it wasn’t that serious… I’ll just ignore it.”
Most of us have found ourselves as bystanders to bullying at some point in our lives. These moments can be challenging, regardless of our age. However, we often overlook just how difficult it is to take action—it’s not as simple as just speaking out against bullying.
In reality, responding to such situations is quite complex. Our brains process a series of intricate decisions that we often don’t have time to articulate (even to ourselves), and before we know it, we’ve reacted, either by ignoring the incident, laughing it off, or inadvertently supporting the bully. Alternatively, we might choose to stay neutral, which certainly doesn’t feel neutral to the victim.
For children and teens, the pressure is even greater. It can feel like the bully possesses an almost mythical power, and speaking up could result in social isolation. The young people I work with often express how complicated it is to decide whether to intervene, with their choice typically hinging on their relationship with those involved. If they witness bullying in a school setting among peers who aren’t their friends, they may hesitate to act, fearing their interpretation of the situation could be wrong. If it was truly serious, wouldn’t one of the kids closer to the situation step in?
Adults need to recognize the difficulty of these situations when encouraging children to intervene or interrogating them about their decisions in the moment. Remember: If you weren’t there, you can’t fully understand how challenging it was.
Bystander Intervention
Bystander intervention can be divided into two categories: witnessing something in real-time and observing a pattern of troubling behavior. The first scenario demands immediate decision-making, while the second allows time to contemplate how to respond and what to say.
At some point, every child will be a bystander. Therefore, it’s essential for them to consider, ahead of time, the least they would want to do in such a scenario. Would they pull the victim aside? Distract the bully? Ask them to stop? Encourage them to visualize a simple, realistic action or phrase they could employ.
Unfortunately, bystanders often only realize what they should have said after the moment passes. I remind young people that it’s never too late to take action. If they regret how they handled a situation, they can always revisit it later.
One approach could be to tell the bully, “Yesterday when you said X to that person, that was wrong. I didn’t speak up because I was caught off guard, but I want you to know now.” Confronting someone about their behavior is never easy; it takes courage to express disapproval.
Additionally, sometimes laughter can be misleading. People might laugh out of nervousness rather than genuine amusement. In retrospect, they can say, “I laughed at your comment yesterday, but it made me uncomfortable. I didn’t find it funny, and that kid was hurt by it.”
Reaching out to the victim is also crucial. Apologizing for not acting in the moment can provide reassurance that they are not alone. They can brainstorm together on how to handle similar situations in the future.
Principles of Intervention
Intervening shouldn’t depend on personal feelings about the individuals involved. Speaking out against bullying should be rooted in the principle of respecting human dignity. If a person’s dignity is compromised, bystanders must take a stand.
In some cases, intervening alone may pose a risk to one’s safety. If a situation feels threatening, it’s best to seek help from an adult. Before rushing to find assistance, take a moment to consider where the nearest adult is located; that brief moment can be critical.
Ultimately, we will all encounter situations where we are bystanders, so fostering empathy among ourselves is essential. We can only encourage one another to act when we create a supportive community.
Further Reading
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Summary
Empowering children to confront bullying is crucial for fostering a supportive environment. By helping kids develop strategies for intervention and acknowledging the complexity of these situations, we can encourage them to stand up for victims of bullying. Remember, it’s never too late to address bullying, and creating a culture of empathy and support is essential.