Once upon a time, it was the f-word that sent shockwaves through society; then the c-word took its turn in the spotlight. Nowadays, people occasionally throw around the x-word, leading me to consult a dictionary. Our language is riddled with letters that evoke surprise, shame, giggles, and discomfort. No consonant is blameless, and no vowel remains untouched.
Recently, the infamous p-word resurfaced in a notable election. It was plastered all over the media—can you remember which election? This single term sent the nation spiraling into a moral crisis. While I have no qualms with the p-word, having even used it in reference to my pets, there exists another p-word that truly riles me up: polite. I refuse to let this term be imposed on my daughters.
I have two daughters, and while they are generally respectful and capable of accepting criticism with some grace, they sometimes shy away from speaking their minds. We made sure from an early age that they understood the importance of respect, but this has occasionally led them to be overlooked. Their mother, too, finds herself at times falling victim to the same societal pressures.
So why do we continue to weaponize the p-word against our otherwise wonderful girls, especially when situations call for a bit of assertiveness? Why do we equate politeness with a lack of self-advocacy? This outdated expectation keeps us muted and submissive, and it’s high time we dismiss it.
My ten-year-old, Lily, is a gymnast. Though cautious and a little fearful of heights, she is dedicated to her sport. Unfortunately, her coach sometimes resorts to negative motivation tactics, asking her questions like, “Are you a baby?” or “The younger kids are doing this!” If he knew Lily, he’d understand that this approach only stifles her confidence. After one particularly harsh practice, she came to me in tears, insisting she wanted to quit.
While I acknowledge that pushing oneself is essential for growth, I also recognize that hurtful words can leave lasting scars. Instead of confronting her coach, I encourage Lily to stand up for herself and confront negativity. However, she’s too—wait for it—polite.
This scenario is not unique. Many women have been told to “Smile more” when they encounter unwelcome attention. We’ve learned to tolerate disrespect and often package our complaints in apologies, masking our critiques with praise. We’re taught to remain silent when faced with inappropriate advances instead of asserting our boundaries.
There is a time and a place for phrases like, “That doesn’t work for me,” or “I’m sorry, but that’s not happening.” Speaking up for ourselves is not being rude; it’s being empowered. Just as we swat away pesky insects, we need to learn to stand firm against those who challenge us.
Ultimately, I’m proud of my daughters for being good-hearted individuals. I will continue to nurture traits like kindness, empathy, and understanding in them. However, if anyone approaches my children with unreasonable expectations of the p-word, I will be right there beside them, ready to support their right to speak out, even if it earns them a label that starts with a b. That’s a title I can accept.
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In summary, we must challenge the notion that politeness should come at the expense of our daughters’ voices. It’s time to redefine what it means to be respectful and ensure they understand the importance of standing up for themselves in all situations.