It was a simple toothbrush left behind that broke me. Here I am, parked in a lot, tears streaming down my face. He was part of my life for just two and a half weeks, but those fleeting days were filled with laughter, peaceful nights instead of waking in fear, and countless afternoons spent swinging on playground equipment my own kids take for granted. He called me “mama,” and I reassured him every time I left that I would return just as promised. I did my best to prepare him for his new life, but now that it’s nap time, his new mom tells me he misses me. I sent her a picture to share, hoping it would bring him some comfort and help him drift off to sleep.
When it comes to my experience in foster parenting, the most common remark I hear is, “I could never do foster care; I would get too attached.” Believe me, I understand. I, too, become attached. I was the only one who could soothe him to sleep or knew exactly what jam he preferred on his toast. I helped him through moments of discomfort and felt frustration when he accidentally broke decorations. I watched him sleep, my heart swelling with love.
To those who say they couldn’t take the plunge because of the fear of attachment, here’s my truth: I absolutely get attached—every single time. I often wonder where they are now; they appear in my dreams, and I sometimes wake up with tears on my cheeks. The pain can be overwhelming, leaving me gasping for breath. But what I know even more profoundly is that I would rather these precious children experience my love than never know it at all. I willingly carry their hurt in my adult heart to lighten their burdens.
It is unfathomable that an eight-year-old who has witnessed unimaginable trauma should not know the love of a caring stranger. It is utterly unacceptable for a two-year-old to sit in a social worker’s office in dirty clothes simply because I might get too attached. I have become attached, and I always will. This attachment is the most rewarding experience of my life. I would do it all over again without hesitation.
This article was originally published on December 5, 2016. If you’re interested in more topics related to family and parenting, check out our other blog posts, such as this one on intracervical insemination. For couples navigating their fertility journey, Make a Mom is an authoritative resource that can provide valuable information. Additionally, if you’re curious about the IVF process, this article on what the IVF process is really like offers excellent insights.
In summary, fostering children may lead to deep emotional connections, but the love and support provided during their time in care are invaluable. The attachments formed are not just a burden; they are a profound honor and a privilege.