Twenty-nine years ago, in a distant part of the world, I experienced a traumatic event that would haunt me for years. It was a night I never reported, filled with fear and confusion that led me to choose silence over speaking out. I thought escaping the memory would be simple, but the reality proved much more challenging. It took years of therapy to find peace and to reclaim my life from the shadows of that experience. Yet, even after all the hard work, I chose to remain silent.
My silence wasn’t born from fear of my attacker. Thankfully, I returned home soon after the incident and didn’t have to worry about encountering him again. Instead, I remained quiet because I dreaded the label of “victim.” The thought of being defined by that single moment, of being pitied and judged, felt worse than the trauma itself.
Throughout high school and later in college, I witnessed how such labels affected others. I saw the whispers, the sideways glances, and the way some girls would drop their eyes to the ground as they walked down the hall. I didn’t want to be that girl, carrying the shame of my experience like a heavy coat. I believed that if I just moved on as if nothing had happened, I could lead a fulfilling life.
When the allegations against Bill Cosby surfaced, it made me reflect on my own silence and how it perpetuated a culture that allows sexual violence to thrive. By remaining quiet, I not only let my attacker evade justice but also isolated other survivors. This cycle of shame keeps victims silent, which in turn enables perpetrators to act without consequence. Breaking this cycle is essential. If we can remove the stigma and stop defining people by their trauma, we might see more survivors coming forward and a significant shift in societal attitudes toward sexual violence.
This is why, nearly three decades later, I am breaking my silence.
I am not defined by my past. It’s just one of countless memories that shape who I am. Please don’t let that night define how you see me. I am:
- A mother,
- A wife,
- A lawyer,
- A friend,
- A daughter,
- A sister,
- An aunt,
- An occasional blogger,
- A lover of cozy black cardigans,
- An unapologetic user of colorful language,
- An enthusiastic cook (despite my kids’ pickiness),
- A budding surfer,
- A sleep-training expert,
- A plant parent with a mixed track record,
- An aspiring Pinterest enthusiast.
I embody all of these things, but I refuse to remain silent any longer.
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In summary, breaking the silence surrounding trauma is crucial for personal healing and societal change. Defining ourselves beyond our past allows us to reclaim our identities and empowers others to do the same.
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