“Duck rhymes with the F-word. You know, the bad one.”
Well, that was a close call!
“The one spelled f-u-c-k.”
This gem of information was shared by our 6-year-old, at full volume, in a charming New Orleans eatery during a bustling holiday dinner. A few patrons turned to gawk at us, some exchanged knowing smirks, while others offered sympathetic smiles. Two kids nearby inquired about what our daughter was talking about, and one particularly polished mom shook her head in disapproval.
“That’s right, but it’s not something you should discuss here. Also, please use your inside voice. Thanks!”
My partner and I resumed our conversation about the upcoming Tennessee football game, while our child went back to coloring a blue duck on her menu. The perfect mom continued to shake her head like a bobblehead.
Despite her disapproval, we weren’t fazed by our child’s expanding vocabulary. Here’s why:
I want my child to be familiar with all the words.
Even though she can draw an impressive castle, my kid primarily uses speech to express herself. I’ve never had her request a snack through interpretive dance, nor has she ever approached me for help reading by crafting an elaborate poem.
For her to communicate effectively, she needs to understand a wide range of words. She must learn the distinctions between “eager” and “anxious,” or “frustrated” and “angry.” At 6, she’s on a quest to gather these words, figuring out their meanings. To navigate this wondrous world of language, she needs to feel free to explore verbally. So, we let her try.
She also needs to learn how to use her words wisely.
When my child drops the F-bomb, I can remind her that it’s inappropriate, first due to the context and then because of her age. If she insists on pushing the boundaries, I can impose reasonable consequences, as making a knowing choice about language often has its repercussions.
Let’s assume, like the polished mom, that it’s wholly inappropriate for my child to explore the F-word at her age.
When my teenage daughter, who isn’t with me, uses the F-word, the person who hears it might think she’s inciting a fight. This could lead to an escalation of harsh and inappropriate words, like the B-word, prompting my daughter to retaliate verbally until someone steps in, or worse, a physical confrontation occurs.
I’d much rather endure judgmental gazes from culinary connoisseurs than risk my child’s safety over a word.
I don’t want words to hold power over my child.
Words wield immense influence: they can heal, uplift, or harm. My child is the beautiful product of an intercultural and multiracial union, adopted by two parents who don’t share her appearance. She’s a girl who’s fiercely competitive and can be quite sassy—sometimes downright aggressive.
There will be plenty of chances for words to be used against her. We’ll tackle those challenges as they arise. But for now, I refuse to give undue power to an already potent concept, especially when the power I’d be adding is artificial. Every word has its rightful context. If I react with shock, laughter, or disdain to sharp words, I risk dulling her understanding of their true power and impairing her ability to discern when they’re appropriate.
While she may know the word, she definitely doesn’t grasp the meaning of the F-word, or “clothes hamper,” judging by her actions. But I choose to ignore the fire and focus on more pressing parenting decisions—like “Is this truly our best approach right now?” So far, the answer has been a resounding “heck yes.”
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In summary, it’s important to allow children the freedom to explore language, including the F-word, while guiding them on responsible usage. Reacting with horror can inadvertently amplify the power of certain words, making it crucial for parents to handle such situations thoughtfully.