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Chill Out, Mama Bear: The Kids Are Just Fine
by Alex Harper
Updated: April 7, 2021
Originally Published: Dec. 1, 2016
Photo Credit: Giedriius/Shutterstock
Motherhood can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, a chaotic blend of joy, love, frustration, and fear that often leaves us feeling a bit bewildered. It’s as if our emotions are a Jackson Pollock painting—beautiful yet incomprehensible.
Not only do we grapple with these intense feelings, but much of it is instinctual. We might struggle to express why we feel strongly about certain parenting choices, whether it’s attachment parenting, co-sleeping, or breastfeeding, but deep down, we just know.
One of the most primal instincts we possess is the fierce urge to protect our children. This is what many call our inner Mama Bear. Sometimes this protective instinct surges unexpectedly, unleashing a mix of fierce protectiveness, fear, and anger. It’s a wild ride that can leave us ready to pounce on anyone who dares to threaten our little ones.
I had my first encounter with this Mama Bear instinct when I witnessed another parent scolding my daughter for something she did to her child on the playground. Sure, my daughter was in the wrong, but that didn’t matter in the heat of the moment. All I could think was, how dare that parent correct my child! Logic and empathy flew out the window as I was consumed by anger. I felt like I was failing as a parent, convinced that my child’s actions were a sign she was destined for a life of trouble.
I wanted to rush in and resolve the situation—not just fix it but erase it completely. But who was I really ready to attack? Mama Bear may be fierce, but sometimes she’s not very rational. There’s probably an evolutionary reason behind these protective instincts, but they seem to be amplified in our current age of overzealous parenting and social media scrutiny. Many parents feel entitled to intervene at every turn, convinced that their child is perfect. “I’m just protecting my baby,” they say.
Well, I call nonsense. That Mama Bear instinct doesn’t give anyone an excuse to be rude, especially to another kid. The truth is, all kids misbehave sometimes. Mine do, and yours probably do too! They’re just kids, after all. They mess up. And guess what? We do too!
So what if, instead of going full Mama Bear to shield our little ones, we took a step back? What if we encouraged our kids to stand up for themselves instead of swooping in to save them? What if we considered that maybe our perfect child had a part in the conflict? What if we embraced the reality that growing up involves some bumps along the way?
Five years ago, when I heard that other mom reprimanding my daughter, I lost my cool. How could she speak to my child like that? I was furious at her and ashamed of my daughter. But in reality, all my daughter needed was to learn from her mistake, apologize, and grow.
This instinctual need to protect doesn’t always serve us well. So take a deep breath and remember, Mama Bears: The kids are going to be just fine.
For more insights into parenting and family life, check out this resource on pregnancy and home insemination or this guide to couples’ fertility journeys. And if you’re looking for more information, visit this related blog post for additional support.
Summary:
Motherhood can evoke a whirlwind of emotions, often leading to instinctual protective behaviors known as the “Mama Bear” syndrome. While it’s natural to want to defend our children, it’s important to remember that kids misbehave and learn from their mistakes. Instead of overreacting, we should empower our kids to handle conflicts themselves, recognizing that mistakes are part of growing up.