Rejoice! The 2016 Goop Holiday Gift Guide has arrived, and you’re in for a ride! Yes, it’s that festive time of year again where Gwyneth Paltrow rolls out a collection of absurdly overpriced gifts that will make you chuckle, shed a tear, and maybe question your financial status. It’s practically a holiday classic!
Each year, Gwyneth curates an eye-popping list of lavish gifts that few can afford, prompting the internet to poke fun at her apparent disconnect with the average consumer. This year, she’s dubbed the most ludicrous items as “The Ridiculous But Awesome Gift Guide,” which really means, “Look at how fabulously wealthy some of us are!” Buckle up, folks; this year’s selections are truly something else.
Featured Gifts
Leather Bike, $2,995
“Saddle up.” Get it? Kind of? This $3000 bicycle is made of leather, just like saddles. But honestly, who can afford it anyway? Goop doesn’t care if you get the pun or not!
Sublimotion Dining Experience, Price Unknown
We attempted to book a reservation to figure out what this even is and how much it costs, but the server promptly recognized our IP address as “tediously middle class” and denied us access. Fun fact: “Sublimotion” isn’t a real word, but sublimation is! It means “raised to a higher status.” Ha!
Vintage Limoges Banana Box, $395
Oops! This one’s already sold out.
Custom Pet Pendant, $6,850
Want to immortalize your pet? You can get a custom necklace made after dressing them up and having their portrait painted. Or, you know, you could just set a pile of cash on fire and enjoy the show!
Microsoft Hololens Development, $3,000
This high-tech gadget promises to help you interact with holograms. Sounds great, but we’re a little lost on how it works.
Groovyyurts Super Ger 20′ Yurt, $8,300
Why bother with a regular tent when you can invest in a yurt? According to Gwyneth, “Glamping doesn’t even begin to cover it.”
Toothpaste, $120
Good news! This is one item we can afford. The bad news? It’s just toothpaste. Gwyneth even makes fun of herself with this one, referencing last year’s fancy toothpaste squeezer, which was only $100 more than this toothpaste!
Oh, Gwyneth. You never cease to amuse us!
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In summary, the 2016 Goop Holiday Gift Guide serves up a hefty dose of humor while showcasing an array of extravagant gifts that are mostly unattainable for the average person. From a leather bike to an overpriced yurt, it’s a hilarious reminder of the wealth disparity that exists.