I often find myself hiding certain habits from my kids, all in the name of setting a better example. I’ll preach about the importance of a nutritious breakfast, then devour three cookies as soon as the bus pulls away. I’ll scold them when they don’t share, yet sneak snacks to avoid having to share my goodies. I’ll wax poetic about the need for ample sleep while binge-watching mindless TV long past my bedtime.
My actions aren’t always the best role models, which explains why I sometimes say one thing and do the opposite when I think they aren’t watching. But there’s one thing I make a conscious effort to demonstrate: my love for their dad.
Let’s face it, at some point in their adult lives, my kids will find themselves in relationships. While I’m busy teaching them about dental hygiene and table manners, I also want to instill in them the importance of nurturing connections with their partners. After all, the quality of their lives may hinge on it.
It’s no secret that a relationship can significantly affect your mood. If you’re in a tumultuous partnership, it can create a ripple effect—affecting your self-esteem, work performance, and overall happiness. If I can model a loving relationship now, I believe it will better prepare them for their own future partnerships. I’m stacking the odds in their favor, so to speak.
It’s not the grand gestures that matter most; it’s the everyday acts of kindness. Sure, it’s nice when Dad surprises me with flowers or chocolates (hint, hint), but what I really want them to notice are the small, meaningful things we do for each other.
For instance, my partner, Jake, leaves early for work and often skips breakfast to avoid waking anyone. So, I take a few minutes before bed to whip up a smoothie and pop it in the freezer. My kids see me doing this, and I explain that it’s my way of ensuring Dad has a healthy breakfast on the go.
When I receive a random “I love you, hope your day is going well” text from him, I share it with the kids, letting them know how it brightens my day. “How sweet of Dad to bring takeout because he knows I’ve been swamped,” I’ll say when he brings home dinner on particularly hectic nights.
Sometimes, I even involve them: “What can we do to help Dad today?” Just as conflict in front of the kids leaves an impression, so does displaying love. It teaches them that relationships require ongoing effort and that love isn’t just a one-time deal. It demonstrates the importance of being considerate of your partner’s needs, a lesson that could serve them well in any situation.
They might not fully grasp it now—they may even roll their eyes at my “mushy” displays of affection—but when they eventually find themselves in a partnership, they will likely draw from the examples we’ve set. Until then, they’ll have the assurance that the foundation of our home—our relationship—is strong and worth nurturing.
I’m not claiming that Jake and I are perfect or that we’re always attuned to each other’s needs. We have our share of selfish moments and disagreements, just like every couple. However, we consistently make an effort to show care and compassion. If there’s one thing we both agree on, it’s that the best gift we can offer our children is the security of knowing their parents love each other and the skills to foster that same love in their own lives.
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Summary
Modeling a healthy relationship for our children is one of the most significant gifts we can provide them, teaching them the value of love, respect, and ongoing effort in partnerships. By showcasing daily kindness and affection between parents, children can learn essential relationship skills that will benefit them in their future connections.