I had heard all the reasons against pressuring kids to tackle their homework, not to mention the studies demonstrating that homework is often pointless—especially in elementary school. I’d come across critiques aimed at parents who do their children’s assignments for them, but I never quite fit that mold. (Honestly, how would a parent even manage that? I can’t even decipher first-grade math!)
Nonetheless, I was definitely a hoverer. I nagged and pleaded. For the first few years of elementary school, the hours from 3 to 6 p.m. became a battleground where I begged my son to just sit down and get his homework done. Dinner and dessert were postponed until he complied. We always allowed him some downtime after school, but eventually, I would insist he buckle down.
He always completed his homework (usually in about 15 minutes), but the hours of nagging felt vastly disproportionate to the actual work involved. And I didn’t even buy into the supposed benefits of homework!
So, this school year, as he entered fourth grade, I decided to change my approach. I didn’t stop checking if he had homework or offering help if he needed it, but I left the responsibility of completing it in his hands.
Surprisingly, the results were fantastic! Initially, it was a bit chaotic. He often remembered his homework while drifting off to sleep, prompting him to jump up and scramble to finish it, which wrecked bedtime (and this mama cherishes her quiet time!). Other times, he’d wake up in the morning realizing he hadn’t done it and then blame me for not reminding him. “Not my job, kiddo,” I’d respond, reminding him how much he loathed my constant reminders.
Fast forward a few months, and something amazing has occurred. He now does his homework on his own—most of the time. Sure, I still toss in a gentle reminder here and there, and sometimes he forgets, but he generally takes care of it.
Even more exciting is his newfound motivation for schoolwork. He genuinely wants to excel in his assignments and projects. Just last weekend, he insisted we devote four hours to prep for a school-wide spelling bee!
Now, I know my son has a competitive streak and generally enjoys school, so I can’t claim this approach will work for every child. However, allowing him to take responsibility for his homework seems to be the only way he’ll develop long-term academic discipline. After all, we won’t be there to guide them through every challenge in school or life.
This experience also highlights a broader lesson: hovering over our kids can be suffocating and unproductive. I get the urge to intervene, especially regarding academics, because we all want our kids to do well (and let’s face it, their achievements often reflect positively on us).
But the best way for kids to thrive and become self-sufficient is for us to step back. Let them make mistakes. Let them fail. It’s through these experiences that they learn the importance of internal motivation rather than striving to meet someone else’s expectations.
So, if you’re playing the role of homework police, it’s time to hang up that badge. The initial discomfort may be daunting—your child will surely stumble—but in the long run, empowering them with responsibility will save everyone a lot of stress and lead to their success.
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Summary
I shifted my approach in managing my son’s homework from constant nagging to allowing him to take responsibility. This change led to him completing his assignments independently and showing greater motivation for schoolwork. The experience underscored the importance of stepping back as parents, allowing children to learn from their mistakes and develop self-discipline.