When I was around 10, my brother got a feature on the local news after a community event we both attended. While the family cheered and squealed at his TV debut, I sulked in the other room. Why was he the star of the show? Why couldn’t I bask in the spotlight too? Wasn’t I good enough?
My parents eventually discovered my grumpy mood and offered some empathy—briefly. Then they reminded me to be happy for my brother because we were a family, and his moment of glory didn’t diminish my own worth.
I wish I could say that their advice magically eliminated all my feelings of envy, but that would be a fib. Just the other day, I noticed another mom at school rocking the most stylish, figure-hugging leggings I had ever seen. I envied her chic style while I was stuck in my worn-out sweatpants and messy ponytail. Honestly, I even envied her perky backside.
As I’ve aged, I’ve developed a bit of an IDGAF attitude. I care less about fitting in with the “cool kids” and can brush off the nonsense like a pro. Most days, I feel pretty darn confident and, dare I say, like a beautiful badass. But let’s be real; I still experience self-doubt and envy. Anyone claiming otherwise is either lying or living in a bubble. We all feel this way sometimes—even the most fabulous among us.
I’m still working on it. While I’m improving at navigating those prickly feelings of jealousy, I know that ignoring them only makes things worse. Instead of letting go of envy, you end up with a messy plate of jealousy stew topped with anger and shame. Acknowledging those feelings is the first step toward overcoming them.
Recently, I watched a video featuring Lisa, a comedian who candidly shared her own jealousy over a friend landing a gig she wanted. It was comforting to know that even accomplished badasses experience self-doubt and envy, making me feel less guilty about coveting that mom’s leggings or my friend’s popularity.
Recognizing envy is one thing, but acting on it is another. Lisa wisely suggested confiding in someone about your feelings but warned against taking negative actions. “I never blow out someone else’s candle to make mine shine brighter,” she said. In simpler terms, don’t be a jerk.
As cliché as it sounds, practicing gratitude and kindness can make a big difference. We’ve all heard someone say, “Count your blessings” when we’re feeling low, and I often want to respond with a snarky gesture. However, taking stock of the good things in my life—like baking cookies for my family—helps me rise above my funk. Plus, who doesn’t enjoy a compliment about their cookie-baking skills? Comfort food, especially cookie dough, is like a warm hug.
The interesting thing about self-doubt and envy is that when I push through those yucky feelings, I often discover something valuable within the chaos. Complimenting that stylish mom might lead me to where the trendy leggings are sold (spoiler alert: they’re likely from LuLaRoe), and reflecting on a colleague’s success might give me the motivation I need to level up.
When I’m really struggling, I channel my inner Stuart Smalley and give myself a pep talk. As cheesy as it sounds, we all have our unique strengths, and there’s plenty of goodness to go around. We’re all in this together. As Lisa so aptly put it, “There’s always a space for you, because there’s no one exactly like you.”
In other words, you’re a beautiful badass, and don’t you forget it!
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In summary, it’s completely normal for even the most confident individuals to feel self-doubt and envy from time to time. Acknowledging these feelings is the first step in overcoming them, and practicing gratitude and kindness can help us navigate through the muck. Remember, you’re amazing just as you are!