During a phone conversation a few years ago, my mother casually mentioned, “Oh, by the way, I’ve mailed you something. You should receive it later this week. Have you heard of the Elf on the Shelf? All the kids in my preschool class are buzzing about their elves.”
As a preschool teacher, my mom was always ahead of the curve when it came to the latest Christmas trends. Whenever she discovered a hot toy or a must-see holiday film, she’d either whisk the kids away to the theater or send me a care package that would make me look like the ultimate mom. For that, I was grateful—most of the time.
However, five years ago, when Herbie the Elf entered our lives, my gratitude soured. I can’t help but hold my mother responsible for unleashing this little red-felt menace into our home. Sorry, not sorry, Mom.
I dread that red felt fiend every December. Each year, I brace myself for the 24 days of hiding and relocating this mischievous elf, all to convince my kids that he’s been dashing back and forth to the North Pole in a single night. It’s astonishing how gullible they are—yours probably are too. The moment one of them asks, “When will Herbie be back?” as the leaves begin to change, I shudder at the thought of devising new ways for that little red rascal to appear engaged in playful mischief.
Admittedly, I start with good intentions. My kids love discovering Herbie’s antics, like being held captive by Lego figures or having snowball fights with marshmallow “snowballs.” (Come on, you’ve had your moments too.) The fleeting magic of their belief in Santa makes me want to preserve those precious memories, knowing that soon enough, they’ll no longer believe.
But oh boy, is it a ton of work to make that little elf believable! To share my journey with Herbie this holiday season, here’s a day-by-day look at my descent into the Elf on the Shelf chaos.
November 29
Where did I stash that red imp again?
December 1
Herbie made his grand debut, complete with a note from Santa that sent the kids into a frenzy of delight. They’re on their best behavior now that they know he’s watching.
December 2
Discovered Herbie engaging in a Lego build with a stuffed reindeer. The kids were thrilled.
December 3
Herbie crafted a cozy igloo out of cotton balls. Thank you, Pinterest, for saving me once again.
December 4
This elf is a trickster! His flour “snow angels” on the counter were a hit, though cleaning up that mess was a nightmare. Herbie is officially on notice.
December 5
Herbie is nestled in the Christmas tree. Adorable next to all those ornaments, right?
December 6 to 8
Still in the tree. Don’t care, kids.
December 11
A glass of wine consumed. Oops, forgot about Herbie. There’s always tomorrow.
December 12
The kids howl in disappointment—Herbie forgot to fly back to the North Pole. The creep still wears that plastic grin.
December 13
Herbie was found unceremoniously close to the fireplace. Is it too much to hope he’ll accidentally catch fire?
December 16
Just heard that Mia’s elf delivered Disney World tickets on his latest trip. Mental note: have a word with Mia’s mom at the next PTA meeting.
December 17
The kids are stunned to find Herbie under the minivan. No explanation provided; he had it coming. Morale is low in the house.
December 18
Back to the Christmas tree. Again. Anyone who complains is losing a present.
December 19
Mia’s elf brought plane tickets to the Caribbean. All Herbie delivered was a candy cane. Note to self: send an anonymous complaint to Mia’s parents.
December 21
I’ve had it. Today’s the day—blame it on the dog.
December 23
Feeling the holiday spirit a little too much at my husband’s party. Thought about throwing Herbie in the trash.
December 25
Christmas morning! Santa has arrived! I collapse in a heap of wrapping paper, but Herbie’s creepy gaze follows me.
December 26
Return the Felt Menace from Hell to the North Pole where he belongs. I’m praying that next year the kids forget all about that red little nightmare.
As much as I loathe the charade of this elf who supposedly travels back and forth to the North Pole, I’m just waiting for my moment of revenge. One day, I’ll casually tell one of my kids, “Oh, by the way, I’ve sent you something in the mail. It’ll be there Friday.” And then I’ll relish my sweet, sweet revenge.
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In summary, navigating the Elf on the Shelf saga can feel like a holiday nightmare, complete with ridiculous antics and a creeping sense of dread. But despite the challenges, the magic of childhood belief is worth every chaotic moment.