Early in our marriage, my partner and I reached a mutual agreement: one of us would stay home with our kids during their formative years. For various reasons, I took on the role of primary caregiver, tackling everything from childcare and activities to laundry and grocery shopping. Meanwhile, my partner became the financial provider, ensuring I could manage those grocery bills without overdrafting our account. Our choice to adopt this traditional family setup—almost stereotypical, really—was influenced by personal circumstances unique to us. And trust me, I recognize that being able to make this choice is a privilege.
While our decision came with its own set of advantages and challenges, this somewhat lopsided arrangement has generally worked for our family. But let me be clear: it hasn’t always been a walk in the park. There were years when I felt like I was perpetually surrounded by spit-up and tears, days when I wondered if I’d ever have the luxury of using the bathroom alone or finishing my lunch without interruption. My professional ambitions lay gathering dust, while my career stagnated amidst piles of laundry.
On the flip side, my partner carried the weight of financial responsibility. Climbing the ranks at his law firm during the Great Recession meant countless sleepless nights filled with anxiety about providing for our family. The concept of balance—whatever that elusive idea is—seemed impossible.
Now that our kids are in school, we’ve begun to catch glimpses of a semblance of balance. I’ve taken on a part-time job from home and occasionally meet up with friends, though I still handle most grocery runs and laundry duties. My partner continues to work long hours, but he has more flexibility in his schedule now. He organizes “Dad’s Days” with our sons, allowing him to spend quality time with them while I’m busy with friends or work. With my part-time job, the financial load he carried for years is lightening—just a little.
Yet, despite these signs of balance—more frequent for me than for him—our lives still feel uneven. Most days tip the scales one way or another, and we feel that imbalance acutely. The pressure to achieve some mythical balance is amplified by the nagging belief that we’re somehow doing it all wrong. No matter if you adopt our approach, share responsibilities equally, or shoulder everything on your own (kudos to you!), I suspect we all experience that feeling of imbalance from time to time. Life can be chaotic, overwhelming, and filled with unchecked to-do lists, as a friend recently expressed.
It often seems as though we need more balance in our lives—work-life balance, to be exact. But I’m here to say it’s all a bunch of nonsense. Balance is a myth, an unrealistic ideal that’s driving us to the brink of madness.
Don’t get me wrong; finding that perfect equilibrium would be fantastic. But the reality is, it’s often unattainable. Balance represents an idealized version of life, and let’s face it: perfection is nonexistent. The relentless pursuit of balance may just be another misguided attempt to convince ourselves that we should be able to have it all.
What we overlook in our quest for that elusive balance is that life is inherently seasonal. It unfolds in fits and starts—careers take off just as we’re trying to raise children, friendships shift from convenient to crucial, and we navigate the complexities of our lives with a mix of triumphs and challenges. There are seasons of growth and rest, each with its joys and struggles. Some periods even offer a sense of balance in our hectic lives, where work and personal time align beautifully, creating a rhythm that feels just right.
But let’s be real: those moments are fleeting. Most days are filled with the chaos of tantrums, carpool lines, and endless meetings. Occasionally, we experience magical days that slip by in a blissful haze of lunch dates with friends and leisurely strolls. And yes, sometimes we manage to grab a bit of everything, even a taste of balance.
Ultimately, balance is a long-term vision that can’t be micromanaged. Yet, everywhere we turn, we’re bombarded with messages about what we need to achieve or how we should measure up. We strive to be perfect parents, successful professionals, good neighbors, and attentive friends—all at once.
This relentless pressure to find balance only adds to our feelings of inadequacy. Life is unpredictable, chaotic, and often overwhelming—especially with little ones in the mix. But it’s also remarkably beautiful and richly fulfilling. We can’t always choose whether the waves of life crash in hard or wash over us gently. Sometimes, we simply have to ride the tide, allowing ourselves to be carried along, knowing that balance might just be hiding beneath the surface.
And if all else fails, just remember: balance is nonsense.
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Summary
In this humorous and candid reflection, the author shares their personal journey of navigating parenting and the pursuit of balance. They challenge the notion of achieving perfect equilibrium in life, emphasizing that it is often unattainable and that life is inherently seasonal. The piece encourages readers to embrace the chaos and unpredictability of life while acknowledging the fleeting moments of balance that do occur.