I was chatting with my dad one day about the whirlwind of life with three kids. After I shared the chaos of juggling everyone’s schedules, emotional needs, and behavioral changes — all while nurturing my marriage, managing finances, and maintaining my career amidst motherhood — my dad chuckled. “Well, sweetheart,” he said, “You knew it would be tough when you signed up for this.”
While he’s well-meaning, that’s not entirely accurate. Sure, I knew motherhood would be challenging, but I didn’t expect it to be this intense.
Honestly, the sheer exhaustion from lack of sleep alone would be enough, wouldn’t it? Our youngest is 7, so we’re past the days of regular night wakings, yet I still feel like I’m catching up on years of disrupted sleep. And now that the kids are older and don’t hit the hay as early, I find myself staying up too late just to carve out some kid-free downtime.
Then there’s the balancing act between being an actively engaged mom and prioritizing self-care. I don’t know a single mother who doesn’t feel pulled in multiple directions. We all know the saying that you can’t fill someone else’s cup if yours is empty, but sometimes, the kids need you before you’ve had a chance to refill yours. Mothers are incredibly resourceful, often tapping into reserves we didn’t even know existed. But it comes at a cost.
Don’t get me wrong — being a mom is fantastic. I adore my kids, I cherish the family my partner and I have built, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But that doesn’t negate the reality that it’s really, really tough. When you become a mother, you forfeit a previous life for this one, willingly sacrificing your energy, time, and even a bit of your identity to raise these little humans. While you might have an inkling of what to expect, you only fully grasp it once you’re knee-deep in the trenches.
The aspect I was least prepared for? The unyielding nature of parenting. Once you become a parent, there’s no time off. Sure, you can take a break by stepping away for a bit, but even then, you’re still their parent. You think about them. You worry about them. A little voice in your head is constantly whispering, “What if…” You can leave your house, but stepping away from that role, even for a moment, is impossible.
From the moment you become a mother, it’s like you’re on a never-ending roller coaster. It can be exhilarating and joyful, yet also nauseating and terrifying. Occasionally, you get to coast for a bit, but even then, the effects of the ride linger. There are moments when you want to shout, “Somebody get me off this thing!” But deep down, you don’t really want off—you just wish it would pause for a few moments so you can gather your thoughts and breathe. But that pause never comes.
And here’s the kicker: it’s not just motherhood that’s hard. It’s life combined with motherhood. I’m not only a mom; I’m also a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a professional, and an individual with my own aspirations separate from being “Mommy.” Yet, once you have kids, you quickly realize that nothing is truly separate from motherhood. It permeates every facet of your life. That’s not inherently negative, but it’s a reality I didn’t fully comprehend before becoming a parent.
How do we find time and energy to nurture all these different parts of ourselves? How do we avoid spreading ourselves so thin that we manage to keep everything afloat but don’t excel at anything? Is this just a modern phenomenon of motherhood, where we feel pressured to do it all? Or is it just me?
Having been a mother for 16 years, you’d think I’d have some insights or at least figured this out by now. In some ways, parenting does become easier as the kids grow, but in other ways, it gets more complex. I guess I didn’t foresee that either.
I don’t mean to come off as whining. I love being a mother. I have no regrets about having kids. But I do wish I had a clearer understanding of just how demanding motherhood would be before diving in all starry-eyed and optimistic. I wish I’d realized earlier how crucial it is to carve out time for self-care, even if it feels like I’m sacrificing something I shouldn’t. I wish I’d been kinder to myself sooner — allowing myself grace to be imperfect, to let things slide without guilt, and to not feel like I need to accomplish everything on my to-do list.
Motherhood is tough — tougher than many realize. We shouldn’t dwell on the difficulties, but we also shouldn’t dismiss them. If some days feel overwhelmingly hard, that’s because they are. Yes, we knew the job would be challenging when we signed up, but no one can truly prepare for the full scope of what that entails.
So, take it easy on yourselves, moms. Be gentle with yourselves. Acknowledge the challenges and grant yourself grace for navigating them. You’re doing more than you realize.
If you’re interested in further exploring topics related to motherhood and family, check out our other blog post on home insemination and its many facets, or visit Healthline for excellent pregnancy resources. For those curious about enhancing fertility, Make A Mom is an authority on the topic.
In summary, while motherhood can be incredibly rewarding, it often comes with challenges that can be overwhelming. It’s important to recognize these struggles and to practice self-compassion. Balancing motherhood with other life roles is no small feat, and every mom deserves acknowledgment and support.