Earlier this week, I logged onto social media, and the first image that caught my eye was a woman’s face covered in gauze, her eyes and cheeks bruised and swollen. This brave woman is part of a small online writers’ community I’m in, and she shared her story there because it felt like the only safe space available.
Her ex-partner — whom she had left due to his abusive behavior — had broken into her home just days before and attacked her. Like countless other women, she faced violence from someone who was supposed to love and protect her. She was understandably scared and confused. Her experience was horrifying, yet sadly, not all that rare.
I’ve been fortunate enough never to have been harmed by someone I love. I can’t truly fathom the confusion, fear, or misplaced shame that victims of abuse experience. I can’t offer a “I know what you’re going through” kind of empathy, and trust me, I don’t wish to. But that doesn’t mean I can’t lend a hand.
Seeing that woman’s photo compelled me to delve into the stories of domestic abuse survivors. Time and again, I encountered stories of women who had hidden their injuries, rationalized their partner’s abusive actions, and genuinely feared for their lives during violent outbursts. I read accounts of partners who twisted the narrative, claiming their girlfriends or wives provoked them, only to apologize profusely afterward, promising it would never happen again.
I’ve consumed these narratives not to understand the abuser but to grasp the complexities faced by the abused. I know that many women find themselves in these situations unknowingly. Abuse often creeps in slowly; it’s not as simple as saying, “If someone hits me, I’m out.” Even strong, intelligent women can find themselves entangled in unhealthy, unsafe relationships for years without knowing how to escape them. And let’s not forget, emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical attacks.
The Statistics
The statistics on domestic violence are staggering. One in four women in the United States will experience severe violence at the hands of an intimate partner during their lives — that’s one in four. This means we all know women who have endured abuse, and many of us may be completely unaware. I wish I could wave a magic wand to erase those numbers, but alas, I can’t.
Being a Support System
What I can do is be a support system for those who feel trapped in dangerous relationships. I can offer a safe haven — a refuge for those navigating the turbulent seas of anger, guilt, shame, and fear. I will believe you when you express feelings of fear or insecurity. I will reassure you — as often as necessary — that it is not your fault, that his blaming words are nonsense, and that nothing you did justifies hurting you. I can help you find the resources you need.
I promise to be a safe physical space as well as an emotional one. I won’t question why you stayed or why you took so long to seek help. Emotional manipulation is a common tactic in both verbal and physical abuse, and I know that such questions only deepen the false narrative that you are somehow at fault.
I won’t ask you why he became so angry; you’ve likely pondered that countless times without a reasonable explanation. I won’t question how you can still love someone who inflicts pain. I understand that love is often complicated.
True Love Should Never Involve Violence
But I will emphasize that true love should never involve violence. You do not deserve to have your body or spirit violated. I will be your bridge to the authorities and support you through the daunting process. Whatever strength and assistance you need, I’ll provide.
If you are in a situation where you don’t feel completely safe, please reach out. Tell a friend, a stranger, or me. Don’t worry if someone like me, who hasn’t experienced your situation, won’t understand. Don’t feel ashamed to admit you’re in a predicament you don’t know how to escape. Don’t be embarrassed to find yourself among that 25%. You are not alone.
Those words are not just platitudes; they are the truth. You are not alone. My writer friend shared her story anonymously here, hoping to encourage other women to seek help.
Take Action
If you are facing harm, please speak up. If one person doesn’t listen, keep reaching out until you find someone who can help you reclaim your safety. If you’re looking for a discreet place to turn to, consider visiting websites like www.domesticshelters.org. Remember, you don’t have to stay with an abusive partner. You owe them nothing. You don’t have to endure this. There’s no judgment here, only solidarity and support.
So please, talk to me. Talk to someone.
You are not alone, and you can do this.
Summary
If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, it is crucial to speak up and seek help. Many women face similar struggles, and you are not alone. There are resources available to support you as you navigate your situation. Remember, you deserve to feel safe and valued.