As a child, I envisioned myself as the mother of two graceful daughters, draped in pastel dresses, white tights, and shiny black shoes. I imagined serene afternoons spent playing with dolls, sharing Girl Scout cookie sales, and diving into the mysteries of Nancy Drew while debating which Hardy Boy was more charming, Frank or Joe. But life had a different plan—I became the mother of three boys.
To be frank, my idyllic dreams of motherhood didn’t include:
- Stocking up on Shout, Gatorade, and Goober by the case.
- Regularly finding myself in the bathroom—shall I say, taking an unexpected plunge into the toilet?
- Scrubbing urine from the walls—seriously, guys?
- Stepping on those deceptively small Lego pieces that feel like stepping on a landmine. Yep, just one outfit needed for that.
Yet, as chaotic as it can be, there are undeniable perks to raising boys:
- Leftovers? Never heard of them.
- No one ever begs to wear a crop top.
- Packing for summer camp is a cinch—they wear the same outfit every day.
- I can shrug off the mess when friends visit, saying, “What do you expect? I live with three boys and a St. Bernard!”
But don’t let my lighthearted tone fool you—being a single mom to three boys comes with its unique set of challenges. The ongoing underwear saga is a prime example.
In the early days, my boys embraced a free-spirited approach to clothing, often opting to roam the house in their birthday suits. They’d bounce around playing video games, bare bottoms perched on the kitchen stools, asking, “What’s for dinner?” While riveted by cartoons, they’d unknowingly moon passing cars from the living room window. After a while, I had to lay down the law: “No underwear, no Wii.” “No underwear, no tree-climbing.” “No underwear, no zip-lining.”
During summer camp, I had to impress upon my youngest the importance of returning home in his own underwear and not someone else’s. Apparently, in the rush of youth, boys tend to grab the nearest pair lying on the floor. To this day, he still brings home wet, stray underwear from locker rooms, sleepovers, or worse, waterparks. His heart is as big as his collection of “rescued” undergarments, but I simply can’t take in any more strays.
When my middle son turned 9, he decided he needed a pair of Under Armour underwear for basketball. I soon discovered these were essentially Spanx for boys—designed to keep everything in place. Since I, too, prefer a smooth silhouette, I was on board with this purchase. Proudly, he modeled the snug shorts and exclaimed, “Check it out… there’s a pocket—right here in the front!” As he demonstrated, he pulled out a semi-melted Chapstick, exclaiming, “Tah-dah!” I replied, “You could stash a couple of bucks in there too, you know.”
My youngest chimed in, “Yeah, but imagine being at McDonald’s and being 50 cents short for fries, saying, ‘Hold on, I’ve got 2 quarters in my underwear—just gotta dig for it!’”
From across the room, my 12-year-old shouted, “You guys are such dorks! That pocket is meant for a cup, you know—protection for your… jewels!” Honestly, the thought of a cup had never crossed my mom brain.
Later, while shopping for soccer gear, my son needed compression shorts, which are essentially super tight underwear. Without my glasses, I turned to a gangly teen with sagging pants, asking for help. “How do I know which pair he needs?” I inquired. Boy Wonderwear responded, “These are designed for protection and come in six or nine inches.”
“Uh, I’m not sure,” I stammered. “He’s in 4th grade and just moved into husky sizes. But… six or nine inches… I haven’t seen one in a while, so…”
“Ma’am,” Captain Underpants replied, “I’m talking about the inseam.”
Raising three boys as a single mom certainly has its ups and downs, but I’ve come to realize I hold the upper hand in many ways. As the mother of three boys, I feel grateful that my worries are limited to just the three boys in my life, while mothers of daughters have to consider all the boys out there. So, buying Goober by the case doesn’t seem so bad after all.
For more insights on this wild parenting journey, check out our other blog posts like this one on navigating the ins and outs of life with kids. And if you’re interested in exploring home insemination options, reputable retailers like Make a Mom offer great at-home insemination syringe kits. For a deeper dive into fertility resources, consider visiting UCSF’s IVF page.
Summary:
Raising three boys as a single mother presents a unique blend of challenges and joys. From the ongoing underwear saga to the hilarious mishaps that come with their energetic lifestyle, the author reflects on how motherhood doesn’t always align with childhood fantasies but offers its own rewards.
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