There’s a popular saying attributed to actor Matthew McConaughey: “The best thing you can do as a father is to let your kids see how much you love their mother.” As a dad of three who grew up in a fractured family, I can vouch for the truth of that statement.
I vividly remember my father leaving my mother. After a heated conversation about his infidelity, Mom sat in the family car, tears streaming down her face, hands gripping the steering wheel as if she were contemplating a drive into the unknown. Meanwhile, Dad was busy stuffing his clothes into a duffle bag. The noise of that moment is etched in my memory: the slamming of doors, Mom’s heart-wrenching sobs, and the sound of Dad’s engine starting. And then, silence—an eerie, heavy silence that followed the shattering of a family.
I often reflect on that painful image of my mother, and I’m determined that my own children will never witness such heartbreak. I want them to grow up secure in the knowledge that their father loves their mother deeply, and that he’s faithful, even when he’s not around.
The tricky part of this whole scenario—something I believe many kids from the ’80s can relate to—is that as divorce became more common, it left many fathers like me unsure of how to be a good husband and father. I find myself questioning my approach all the time. I know there are other mothers out there with similar feelings.
What I do know is that my actions toward my wife are mirrored in our children’s behavior. Our kids, aged nine, seven, and two, are observant, especially the older two. Although Mel and I don’t argue often, when we do, I can see how it rattles them. They sit on the couch, eyes darting back and forth between us, trying to decipher the conflict.
But they also notice the good times, like when we go on dates. They eagerly ask about our outings—where we dined, what we watched, and if we enjoyed ourselves. I even make it a point to buy flowers for Mel each month. This simple act has made a significant impact on our kids. I want my son to witness me showing affection and treating his mother well, something my own dad never modeled for me. I want him to learn the importance of romance and appreciation in a marriage.
For my daughters, I want them to expect the same level of care and affection from their future partners. I want them to understand what a healthy marriage looks like and know, without a doubt, that I cherished their mother above all else. To achieve that, I must demonstrate it through my actions.
Love is not just a feeling; it’s an ongoing practice. It involves constant gestures—texting “I love you,” making phone calls to check in, offering warm hugs and kisses, planning date nights, and even tackling household duties when your partner needs a break. It’s about finding compromises where everyone feels heard, even when there are no clear winners.
Showing your kids that you love their mother also involves humility. It means saying “I’m sorry,” acknowledging when you’re wrong, and openly expressing love—all in front of them. Every time I tell my son how much I love his mom, he rolls his eyes as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And that’s exactly how it should be. I take comfort in knowing that, regardless of life’s ups and downs, my children have two parents who are committed to each other and to them. Coming from a broken home, I understand how crucial this sense of security is for a child.
So, if you’re not demonstrating love for the mother of your children, what message are you sending? In my father’s case, it was one of indifference and avoidance. It was the silence that comes when two people who once loved each other drift apart.
It took me many years of marriage to grasp what had gone wrong in my parents’ relationship and how I could do better. Fathers, I assure you that your marriage and family life will flourish if you express your love through your actions. It’s the lubricant that keeps marriage running smoothly. It’s the vital maintenance every relationship needs. Your children need to see this love in action to feel secure in their home and the framework of a loving family.
This is the best investment you can make, trust me. And if you’re interested in learning more about nurturing relationships and family dynamics, you might want to check out this insightful blog post we have.
In summary, demonstrating love for the mother of your children is essential for creating a loving and stable home. Parents must be proactive in showing affection, resolving conflicts, and setting a positive example for their kids. This builds a secure foundation for their future relationships.