I spent the first 32 years of my life as a relentless overachiever. I was the type who needed to ace every exam, maintain a pristine driving record, and conquer levels in Candy Crush with the ferocity of a warrior. So, as my daughter’s due date approached, I pictured raising my own little prodigy who would master her colors before her first birthday and read chapter books by age four — okay, maybe five, we could cut her some slack.
During that first year, I eagerly checked off milestones, beaming with pride when she surpassed the so-called expert expectations. She had a complete set of baby teeth by 17 months. Clearly, she was destined for greatness! Rolling over, sitting up, eating solids, walking — I was already comparing flight prices to Stockholm for her Nobel Prize acceptance speech!
Then came the day we spent with a friend’s son, who was just a few months older and already fumbling through the alphabet. My competitive side kicked into high gear. If he could do it, so could my daughter! But as she turned 15 months, there was still no alphabet in sight. In fact, it was crickets on the word front.
At 18 months, all her pals were flaunting their vocabularies, naming animals, household items, and family members. My daughter tried to say “Momma,” but it came out sounding more like “Mamamamamama.” What was going on? She should be talking by now! Professionals kept assuring me, “She’s just a late bloomer. Many kids don’t speak until they’re 2,” and “Just give her time.” But time? I wanted her to wow everyone with a recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance at her 2nd birthday party!
After she turned 2, we embarked on a quest for answers. We heard terms like “autism” and “hearing loss.” We visited a slew of specialists: ear doctors, psychologists, and therapists. Ultimately, the diagnosis that made sense was apraxia. I had to confront the reality that my daughter wouldn’t be the youngest in her Sunday school class to recite the alphabet backward. In fact, she wouldn’t speak intelligible words until after her 3rd birthday. It took her six months of speech therapy just to grasp the letter “B.”
Apraxia challenged my inner overachiever. It felt like a sudden halt to all my dreams for her. How could I teach her 200 sight words before kindergarten if I couldn’t even decipher her sounds? How would I know if she could count to 100 when all she spoke were vowels? How could she deliver a valedictorian speech if she couldn’t articulate anything?
Fast forward eight months post-diagnosis, and this spirited little girl has shown me the beauty of embracing her unique timeline. Any accolades I once envisioned for her may never materialize. With apraxia, there’s no clear milestone calendar. It’s all a vast unknown, and I find that unsettling. I’m a goal-oriented person, craving measurable achievements we can aim for. I want someone to tell me when she might catch up to her peers, even though I know, deep down, that she might never do so.
Progress matters, but I realize that her greatest achievement won’t be the day she finally utters a word with a consonant sound. In my eyes, she’s already an overachiever. She confronts each day with a challenge that makes one of the most fundamental human functions incredibly difficult. She could easily shy away from her disability, but she doesn’t. She embraces it. She’s a social butterfly who adores singing, loves books, and effortlessly makes friends.
My daughter’s journey has taught me to slow down and savor life as it unfolds. I’ve learned to release my expectations of who she should be and celebrate who she truly is. I refuse to waste time longing for a childhood I envisioned for her. I want to walk alongside her, at her pace, on her timeline.
The road with apraxia can be long, but who knows? There might still be a valedictorian speech waiting for her at the end of it. If you’re interested in learning more about pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource: Science Daily. And for additional insights into tools for home insemination, you may find this link useful: BabyMaker Home Insemination Kit.
Summary
This article reflects on a mother’s journey of navigating her daughter’s apraxia, contrasting her initial overachieving aspirations with the realities of embracing her child’s unique timeline. It highlights the importance of stepping back, redefining success, and celebrating progress in their own way.